Why wouldn't you a date a woman with a child?

If I were a single dude with no kids, I wouldn't date a single mom because:

1) The possibility that I will be somewhat responsible for someone else's kid scares me
2) I don't want any baby daddy drama
3) I am guaranteed to get attached to the kid and would be worried about something happening to the relationship and I would have to break up with her, which means I would also have to break up with the kid. Seeing a woman cry is hard enough, seeing a kid cry is gut wrenching
4) I would know that I am always placed on the back burner, the kid's needs come first (rightfully so)
5) I would be worried about being on the hook financially for the kid in some way
6) I would be worried about mommy using the kid against me as leverage to guilt me into shit
7) I would be worried about not having as much sex as I'd like to because of the extra responsibility and time involved with raising a child

That's all I can think of for now.

When someone signs up for a dating site, even if they're just seeing what's out there, there's still the broad presumption that they might meet someone to date seriously, and maybe marry, and maybe have kids with. Most younger guys, if they're thinking of having kids at all, are probably angling to have their own, not necessarily raise someone else's.

Using a dating site makes it even harder because people have the luxury of being picky. When you meet in public, you have a chance to get to know each other before the subject of kids even comes up, and they might decide that the added wrinkle is still worth it. But online, they can see that you have a kid and easily say "next."

Dating is challenging enough as it is.....why would I (or any other man....or woman, for that matter) want to voluntarily take MORE chances and add MORE hurdles to the trials of the dating arena?!

Some guys don't want kids at all, ever. Some guys aren't sure about kids yet. Some guys may be amenable to kids but would rather meet a girl without to have their OWN kids with. And other guys may have kids already, in which case your kid just adds an extra complication.

You say there are pros to dating a woman with a child. I'm curious....what are they? Because I cannot think of any. There are some elements of dating women with children that are not negative, or are tolerable, or some that may even possibly be enjoyable....but all things being otherwise equal, I can't think of any aspect of dating a single woman with kids that wouldn't be better WITHOUT the kids.

Now don't despair, some guys out there WILL tolerate the existence of the kids, and may even some day grow to love them as their own. But without knowing you from Eve? As a general preference, all things being equal? Yeah, they'll want to avoid the baggage.

Listen, full disclosure, I am a happily married man in my mid-30's with 3 wonderful baby daughters. They are the meaning of my life. I love my girls to death. They are g**damn (non-)mother-f**king handful. Actually, that's an understatement, because having only one in my hand at a given time feels like a vacation. Those moments when all three are screaming and crying to be picked up and held at the same time while my back muscles are spasming S.O.S. in morse code are......the extra-special moments I cherish/wouldn't wish upon my worst enemy.

Forget dating other women with kids, my kids barely allow me to have a date my own WIFE. Or have a quiet sit-down meal with her. Or even just a conversation longer than 90 seconds without interruption. Again, I love my kids. I treasure the fantastic challenges they provide. But that's because they are MY kids. And I know some things will get easier as they get older....but OMFG!

So if I were somehow single right now, given the choice between getting to know someone like my wife while dodging all the challenges of kids, and getting to know someone like her and NOT having all those challenges around....it's not even close. It's hard enough out there already. And the same applies to my stock, too. Like, I have no delusions that being an exhausted stressed out single dad would with a trio of children drawing on my time, energy, and money would somehow IMPROVE my dating ability or worth in the eyes of someone who has never met me.

Lastly, my parents divorced when I was 4. My dad was a wonderful dad, and I'd like to believe I was a wonderful kid. But, once again, I have no delusions that *MY* existence did anything to make my dad (or my mom) more dateable in the eyes of others. My dad re-married and mother did so twice, so they both eventually found other people to be with. But I can absolutely promise you that conversations like, "No, sorry, I can't take you to dinner because CaliBoy has a Little League game tonight," did not HELP their dating lives. Or, "No, we can't have sex on the couch because CaliBoy is here tonight." Maybe that's not a dealbreaking negative, but it's not a ringing endorsement either.

Your best bet for dating is other single fathers. As a single father myself, when I was dating I specifically looked for single mothers because they can relate to my schedule and would understand my kids coming 1st in life.

Are you looking at single fathers too? I have a tough time thinking the average single father is saying 'no' to the question of kids - would make him a bit of a hypocrite.

You reporting that '99%' of the profiles you see.....are apparently arent single fathers.....makes you no different than what you are complaining about....no?

1. Her kids will always come before me. Which they should (she'd be a lousy mother if they didn't), but it means she probably won't be able to focus as much attention on the relationship, and thus is not what I am looking for.

2. How much responsibility is she going to expect me to assume? Is she going to expect me to take her AND the kids for ice cream? Free babysitting? Play taxi if her kid has soccer practice and she is running late?

3. What about the daddy? They're his kids too, he might expect to be part of their lives. Is he going to come around causing trouble?

4. On the other hand, what does he know about her that I don't that made him feel like he needed to end the relationship despite having kids wityh her?

These may or may not apply with a woman with children, but they almost certainly won't be an issue with one who doesn't

Maybe you have to stop online dating. I had a handicap as well, called old age. Even my (10 years my junior) husband said that he would never have searched for a woman as old as I am. I also had a little bit of another handicap called race. Very few men respond to black women's profiles.

So I stopped online dating and began living in real life.

Are you willing to date men with children?

dating sites and single mothers. just to get this out there stay away from it. Men on those sites are complete strangers. Not a great idea for your children or your own heart. There is someone out there i can promise you that. Make sure he wants to build a friendship with you and dont just introduce your kids right away if he breaks your heart he would also break the childrens. lets also say that the man doesnt work out. now your children have to wonder why another man has hurt or left their momma. He has to make you feel 100 about everything he has to be a friend before a lover. He has to know your children come first. HE has to be patient and open with you all the time. Asking about your children is great but wanting to know just as much about your kid(s) as he does you putting effort by asking her if she needs anything if they need anything. If he does things to make you say you didnt have to do that or leaves you thinking wonderful thoughts. long story short he has to make you so happy the kids notice and ask you questions " mommy why are you so happy ? mommy who did that for you ? who what when where and why. when the time is right you will know introduce your kid(s) in a place whee you have family or friends over. see how he interacts with the situation. if he wants to just stick by you the whole time and be a cuddle buddy thats a no-no. if he gets up and helps tend to what ever they are doing and you see a true man. go for a second get together . Just remember no man is more important then the love you give to your kids. you can message me back i have alot more input just wondering if you agree with what ive said so far

A man once told me "there are plenty of woman without children, why take on the responsibility of a woman with children, when I don't have to."

Dating with children takes plenty of patience and it depends on what you want.

The bf has no kids and one of the things I really do love about him is that even for him, my son comes first. He is very ok with that and encourages it. His dad walked away when he was 10 so he knows firsthand what his mom went through.

He has developed a very good relationship with my son based on friendship.

A few things though......I have taken great care to keep my dating life and my children separate. I completely understand that he has no children, doesn't want any and his comfort zone. He is absolutely crazy about the grandbaby though which is the first small child he has been around.

Its clear that my kids have a father, a very active father and he does not have to try and fill that role.

I try and make time for him sans child even though if my son needs something I will be there.

My children are expected to treat him with respect always.

I can clearly see the other side though because I was not much on dating anybody with kids at least not small kids.....I know kind of strange for somebody who has them.....but what I could see is I was going to have to deal with some woman who was going to be pissy with me because I was dating her ex and around her kids....and I just did not want that in my life.

I am sure plenty of men feel that very same way.

Keep in mind, you may have very different experiences if you message men first. In online dating, men have to search using specific criteria. A man in his 20's or early 30's isn't going to specifically seek out a woman with children, but he may be open to dating a woman with a child when he's presented with the entire picture.

I agree with CWBF that "my child is my world" profiles will kill your dating prospects, but I would mention the custody arrangement so men understand that you do have time to date.

1. The bond between a man and a woman when they have a child, with all of the firsts that go along with that experience, is unique. It is perhaps the strongest bond two people can have. You only have your first child once, and I want to share that with someone and have it be a first for us both. Otherwise, if I come along and try to have a family of my own with a woman who already has a child, I'm basically just an asterisk to a family already in progress, made by someone else. No thank you.
2. A marriage is very difficult at times, even when the two spouses are "very compatible." When you add a child to the mix that is only related to one parent, PLUS the presence of that child's biological father, you bring into your life a whole host of additional headaches....that you have no control over.... Ex husband intrusion/meddling. When the ex-husband remarries it will only get worse. Much worse. I will never allow my schedule, my vacation, my dinner plans, whatever to be influenced by the decisions of another man. Never. Why would I bring that into my life? Along that line...
3. Why would I want to help raise another man's DNA?
4. Everyone has a past, but not everyone has a child from that past. I think marrying someone with a child works best when you have a child or children from a past relationship as well. There is something to be said for symmetric/balanced relationships and experiences. It's just too unbalanced otherwise. When you are at such different places in life, a relationship will have little chance of working out in the long run.
5. The only family and focus that I want to have and that I want my wife to have is what we create together. Anything else is just interference, a distraction.

I avoid women with kids because of the following :-
The experience i had with single mums is there was always the real dad in the background, he took an instant dislike to you, you are told to be careful around her kids with how you explain who you are. it all makes a bad feeling as if you are not meant to be there.
This is how i experienced dating single mums a few years ago, it really put me off.
The other thing that put me off is when ur given the impression that ur lucky when they realise you have a free life, the mother of the kids makes you feel guilty,
The other thing that puts me off is the fact that a few are just money grabbers. I ve experienced this on one occasion., they start askibg you to lend them money, was time to walk away for me.
I personally would rather be single than deal with all the drama associated with other people's kids. I know this isn't the case with all mothers, it very much depends on their attitude really. Thought id just share my experience with single mums

I have a child but I do prefer dating women without a child. My relationship with her mother is clear cut (no drama). Most of the time there is a lot of drama and jealousy involved. Not for me.

You are right to say you have a child. I think people are at different points in their lives when they date and they can weigh up from your description if they want to date a mom. For some your profile will be a plus and others not where they want to be today.
Have you thought of doing something like a speed dating evening? It is a good way to meet a few people and you could have a good time too.
You sound like a lovely person so whoever you date will be a lucky guy.

I like women with children. I like kids, but don't want to create them. I've been in the step parent role before and loved it. Being able to make a difference in a child is a great thing, although it is a challenge.

I have a friend who is a single mom with a boy. She complains about men not wanting relationships, and she resents my view of it. She's 110% dedicated to her son which is great, but she has little time or attention for dating. She thinks she's putting enough effort into but, she really isn't.

No. Straight forward, I bring enough to the table that I don't need to settle in that aspect or any others.

Reason: Vast range of unknown, most of which Kingslayer mentioned.