Dating a Divorced Man with Kids

I've been dating a man for close to 5 months and he is recently divorced and has 3 kids. I'm really very happy and it seems like everything is going in the right direction for us. What's hard is that I know my parents aren't happy with my situation and they feel like I should find somebody who 1) isn't divorced and 2) doesn't have kids. I respect that they are concerned about me and my situation but can't they just be happy that I'm happy right now? I've never felt like this, so it's hard for me to turn my back on it just because they aren't happy with it.

Thoughts??

Coming from experience, it is really up to you if it is worth it. It will put a lot of strain on your relationship and sometimes it is EXTREMELY hard to deal with. My situation is a little different because I have kids with the guy who also has an ex wife and son. Trust is key. What stinks is that I can sit here and tell you to have trust etc. when I don't even have that myself. Best of luck to you and your boyfriend.

<3

i was in your place . now im married to the guy .. he is wonderful and everything .. but his children arent lol i tried so hard to be accepted by them .. but i gave up .. and i dont really care anymore ..

my husband is a great father .. and he is a great husband too .. but i always have to compromise and be understanding that im not the only one in his life ...

consider that and watch how close your guy with his children and watch the character of those children ..

its your choice ..

in my case, im not happy ..

I also am in a relationship with a fella with 3 kids, I have 4 and can make it work, but he is having difficulty, he says they come first and me 2nd.
I feel ill about it all now and am deciding if I can, and will it always be like this. It is not a good feeling to play second. It hurts, and so does walking away...
Any ides?

Oh my gosh.... I am dating a recently divorced man with 3 children. We're also 10 years apart. I'm 28, no children, never been married. This man completely swept me off my feet. I'm head over heels, but recently I've wondered myself if I am getting what I need from this relationship. He gets his children every other weekend and on those weekends, I don't see him nor am I invited to do things with them. I have only been around them twice and both times things went well, but we've been dating now for 8 months and still I've only been around them twice. I want to be married and possibly have kids of my own. When he's not with them, he's with me. So, I see him plenty. But, If he doesn't have that desire to include me in ALL of his life, have me go places with them (even once a month) then how do I know if this is actually going somwhere? I don't want to be in the same place I am now a year from now and I'm really worried I will be. Any advice????

Guy, I appreciated reading the other post you send. But,I know my boyfriend is not staying at his ex's house. He's only been divorced for a year now. He was separated, living in separate places, for a little over a year. The kids know about me and the two times we met he told me they really liked me. It seems he's not sure how to bring me into their relationship. I am trying to be patient as he's asked me to do so. I guess I just worry that this will be yet another relationship that just hurts in the end and was a waste of time. My biological clock is ticking. I've waited with marriage until I found someone I was really in love with. I'm hurt because I give him everything and I want him to be a part of my entire life, not just pieces. I feel that if he loves me like he says he does then he should feel and do the same. Am I wrong in thinking this?

Do you mean give him an ultimatum? I couldn't do that. I'd rather him do things on his own then me pressuring him. I don't think anyone really reacts well to an ultimatum anyway..... right?

You're right. I guess I should have that time frame in my head and see if anything changes by that time. Your suggestion, one year anniversary, is not a bad idea. Thanks Guy. I really appreciate it.

I was in your situation, until I broke it off with him yesterday. He has been divorced TWICE and has many children.

Your story provides confirmation that I did absolutely the correct thing.

When he was courting me he promised me everything under the sun, including that I would never be second to his children. Well ... (insert wry smile here).

Same here. Still in the dating process...Apparently I've never seemed this happy before -no one can discourage anything that breathes new life into you like that.

Let them feed off your positive energy & be sure to mention what an admirable, inspiring man you have -yes, as much as possible, even if their stares become ice cold and their words fade into silence...

They will get over the initial shock of how untraditional your relationship is, and more importantly, that even though this isn't what they envisioned for you, it might be ok -because of the positive changes your relationship causes within you.

It's not all sunshine & roses though -you will have to deal with the kids and ex-wife emotions by yourself, you don't want the parental 'we told you so' -alone, because he will try, but never truly comprehend everything his baggage will put you through, emotionally and otherwise.

im dealing with the same thang its hard for my parents to understand me.and the chose i made to date a man that is divorce with kids.and im going threw a divorce myself with kids like this man im dating.and what im doing is showing that im happy now cause of this man.and showing them just me doing the right things in life that i wasnt doing before he came into my life.

NEVERMIND. He dumped me. Out of the blue. Via text message. Says there's no place in his life for me anymore. Turns out he's **** some girl from work. We dated 8 months. She's been working there 2 weeks.

It's not worth it. I've lost 3 people in the blink of an idea. The love of my life. His two beautiful daughters I've come to love as my own.

STAY AWAY. You might be happy now, but it's NOT worth the possible heartache. It's NOT worth it.



It's been two months, I'm becoming stronger every day. And yet, I regret loving him, loving the children, every day. They'll never leave my thoughts or my heart. I love those children.

Hi Troe -

I just stumbled upon this website looking for advice on my relationship. I am dating a very recently divorced man with 3 kids who is 12 years older than me. I am 26, never been married, no kids. We've been seeing each other for about 9 months. It was love at first sight and we have been head over heels in love ever since. He is so good to me, I couldn't ask for a better boyfriend when we're together.

However... I still have yet to meet his kids. He usually has them on the weekends and some weeknights and I am never asked to join. I know he wants a smooth transition for the kids, but I am left feeling lonely, sad and left out. I include him in all aspects of my life: I got him on my softball team, he's met/hung out with my friends multiple times, he's met my family, I invite him everywhere. I feel like I am not included in the most important aspect of his and it hurts. We talk about it often but nothing has changed and he keeps telling me to be patient.

I'm interested in knowing how things have turned out for you? Or if you have any advice? I would appreciate anything.

Thanks!

Wow, so many of us in this situation.

I am dating a man with 2 sons from his ex-wife and a daughter with his ex-gf. I am an Asian, we don't believe in divorce and that sort of thing. My family is pushing me to break up with him. I am in this dilemma as I am also not sure if we will have a good future together...he's hesitant to get married and not so sure of having another child. I am 33 yrs old, never been married and want children of my own.

I don't want to succomb to my family's pressure but they are so right. He was with his last gf for 5 years and never got married. I can sense his hesitations in marriage and that sort of thing.

I really am so confused what to do help!

It's like reading something I have written....
I'm 29 with a man who is 42 years old with 3 kids (18,15,10). We were friends for 4 years before we started dating 10 months ago. I have spent time (dinner...3 times) with the 15 yr old daughter and met the 10 yr old son. He and their mother have been divorced for 3 1/2 years. I am the only woman the kids have met, so he is very protective of them. I feel like I do not fit into his life. He also travels alot for work,so in his limited free time he is torn between his kids OR me instead of me AND the kids? I want him to be a good father, put his children first, go to all the fball games and track meets, but does that mean putting my feelings,needs,wants, on a shelf....and settling?! I know that he wants to spend more time together and that the situation isn't ideal, but at what point does it become a deal breaker? Its a sensitive topic, and I do want to marry this man and be a part of their lives as a whole, so does that mean I need to suck it up?! Do I just need to be MORE patient?!?

I am dating a divorced guy with four kids who he has custody of. We are 11 years apart.

I know that I will be second to his children and I can't possibly expect him to put me above his kids. In this situation I learned to go with the flow. What I mean is don't be jealous over the children. If it's possible love them as much as you love him and it will work out fine. This has been working out for me pretty well.

I would say that you need to let him know your feeling and how you would like to be involoved in his activities with his kids..you have been with im for 8 months and he must be confused about you or you would be apart of that play time already so make it Loud & Clear what u want out of you relationship with him!

girl, we exactly have the same situation. i am dating a guy whom i fell so madly in love with but he was divorced twice and had three kids. i haven't met his kids but there is one thing that i can't control; i am having difficulty in dealing with this situation although my boyfriend only sees the kids every summer. i don't hate them, i just don't like the way my boyfriend reacts every time we get get to argue about that (i never start any argument, he always talk harsh whenever these kids are involved). I hate how he become too defensive about it even if he told me that he was just scared to have the same experience like what happened to him and his second wife ( they divorced because they kept on fussing over the same thing). i don't want us to end up like that coz i love him so much. i have told him that i'll be in need of counselling to help me adjust once we get married (by the way, we're planning to get married in few months). He agreed but i'm still a little scared. should i still marry him?

going back to your problem, i think you are in a better situation. At least you are trying to blend in. That's one thing I can't do. Just keep doing that. you don't need to ask for your boyfriend's permission coz once the kid loved you, he/she will find a way to be friends with you. Your boyfriend will fall more deeply in love once he sees how compatible you are to his children. Good luck!

I don't think you're wrong in feeling that way, but maybe you just don't really understand his point of view. Not knowing him or you, I'm only speaking from personal experience. My boyfriend (father of 2) felt somewhat guilty about not being able to keep his family together. He wanted to be 100% sure that I was right for his familym, not just him. Once the kids and I met (about 6 months into our relationship) we hit it off, and it's been great. We live together, and we have the kiddos half of the time. It is hard to think about being 2nd, but, if I had kids, they'd come first no matter what, so I love him all the more for getting his priorities straight. Things work out the way they are supposed to. Just try to think from his perspective. Maybe he's worried about how you'll feel about the kids, or vice-versa. Kids are kids, but not forever, and they grow up fast, so give it time, and hopefully it'll work out for the best.

I was in a similar situation 5 years ago. I was 21 at the time with no kids. I was getting over an abusive relationship and my mom passing away. I think now at the time I was vulnarable and lonely. He was divorced and had two kids. Then he had another kid with some girl that he ahd a one night stand with. It was hard I cant say it was jealousy. I think I felt like the third wheel. It was his ex wife, his baby mama, then me. He swore he loved me though. I tried everything to make it work I married him, and we eventually had a son. But it always seemed like I was trying to get attention from him. He was always busy with his kids, he ignored our son to be with his other kids. It broke my heart. His family never accepted me, because they were so close to his ex wife. His baby mamas were terrible to me, always trying to start stuff to much drama I felt like I was on a continuous episode of Jerry Springer. Money was always tight because of his child support. I had to work two jobs just to make up for it. So I finally left. I just want to say it may be great now, but hows it going to be 4 years from now. What do you want in life I never thought about it then, but I think about it everyday now. I wish I had waited. Been with someone who didnt have kids. I wish I could say I had had my husbands first kid not his fourth.

LOL...seems like decades ago when I wrote about my story here. i broke up with the man like 5months ago. It just didn't work. Mush as I wanted to accept all his flaws, he was so adamant to compromise anything. Good thing we didn't get married.

So ladies, get out from that relationship. i know every situation differs...but the fact remains the same...he has priorities other than you.

now I am very happy with my new man, very responsible, no exwife, no kids. I am his whole life and he's my world. I couldn't be happier.

I think sometimes women settle because we dont think for some reason we arent going to get anything better, past hurts low self esteem etc. Its the notion well I caught an ok fish but do I really want to put the effort in throwing it back so I can fish for something better. Well I say you certainly want to. If you love someone but you arent sure then its not love Ive had to learn this. Someone once told me if a man really loves you hell move heaven and earth for you. If thats not the case then its not real love. If hes putting you on the back burner for other things then its not love its convience for them. The excuse well I got kids so youll always be second is lame. The relationship you have with your kids is not the same as the one you have with your spouse. Remember who are you sleeping next to at night and how important is that to you. Its pretty simple love is black and white either you do or you dont. Theres no excuses in love, its an undying feeling that you cant live without this person you think about them all the time. That is true love, and ladies make sure the man feels the same way. If not its not going to work, so move on, life is to short to waste time on maybes and excuses.

Wise words... but its so difficult to follow them....
My situation is the same: i'm almost 31 years old, never been divorce and no kids. He is 9 years older, divorced 2 years ago with 2 kids (5 and 8) who live in different country. He goes to see them every 3-5 weeks. He does take me with him sometimes and his kids love me. But the problem is I hate them more and more, feels like in not the one for him, not THE ONE. We've been dating for almost 2 years now and even were talking about getting married. BUT i find this situation more and more difficult. And how you said in your post i'm afraid to give up on him and start everything from the beginning. It's very difficult for me to find a partner, especially now at my age when there are not so many non-divorced men without kids around. I don't know what to do... I tried but it hurts... Today he said he cannot see me upset and that he doesn't want to be with me if he cannot make me happy so i have to make a choice: accept him with his "baggage" or leave him. I don't know what to do....

Does anybody has happy ending in this situation? I really need positive example... or advice....