Dating a French guy tips you should know BEFORE you kiss
Tom is the only French guy I’ve ever dated, so I had it easy when it came to the whole French dating game. He’s really easy going, spoke a good level of English when we met and was familiar with American culture from TV and movies (and what did I know about French dating culture at the time? Not much!).
Our relationship developed from genuine friendship and wasn’t rushed or forced. But as time went on and we discovered more about dating customs in our respective countries, we felt lucky to have found each other and just let things work naturally. The “rules” and differences between French and American dating culture are definitely there, but if you don’t know about them, you might end up hurt and confused or leave someone else feeling that way. So here’s a handy guide on some of the things you need to know about dating a French guy.
If you’ve found a keeper, want to test the waters, or are just curious…
Read on for what you need to know about dating a French guy!
Dating a French guy tips
When Tom and I first started dating, I didn’t know any of these French dating rules and found them out after or through others who were dating French guys. Every relationship is different, though, so please don’t take my little guide below as the end all and be all of French dating. To me, it seems that French guys are more direct without all the mind games. Dating isn’t really a game at all and is straightforward and uncomplicated.
In general, when dating a French guy, be aware of the following:
If you kiss him, consider yourself his girlfriend.
No ladies, the concept of dating several guys in France kind of goes out the window once you seal the deal with a kiss. Now of course this depends on the context. If you’re out in a rowdy bar and everyone is just looking to have a good time, this rule might not apply. But if you’ve gone out with a guy a few times and you haven’t kissed him yet, think things through before you plant one on him under the Eiffel Tower for fun. What might be an innocent kiss to you in the moment is probably much more to him. In the French guy’s mind, that kiss means you want to be his girlfriend and be exclusive. To you, things might be more casual and you view him as just one of the guys you’re dating, but watch out. It would probably confuse him if he saw you with someone else a few days later. The “talk” about exclusivity doesn’t seem all that common and the kiss pretty much says, “We are together.”Is he marriage material? Here’s why you should marry a French guy >>
If he asks you out and you say no, he’s going to ask again.
Persistence is the name of the game here. French guys are used to being turned down by French girls, who are known for playing hard to get. So if you’re asked out and say no and mean no, be prepared for him to ask you out a couple of more times. This is part of the chase when it comes to dating a French guy. If you don’t want to be chased, just be polite and firm. And if you say yes the first time he asks, he might be surprised you actually said yes.
If he likes you, he will call. A lot.
Yes, it’s that simple. If he likes you, it means he’s going to keep in touch. And often. There are no calling rules or games here when dating a French guy. If you go out on a Friday and he calls Saturday morning, don’t be alarmed. What you should be alarmed over is if you go out and he doesn’t call. Well not alarmed, but just take the hint. If he’s not calling you or texting you, it’s not a game — he’s just not interested. Americans might find the French guy’s call frequency charming or maybe a tad overbearing if you’re not that into him. But at least you don’t have to wonder who is supposed to call who next. If he cares, he’ll call!
Check out these French dating phrases in case you have no clue what to say >>
My advice on dating a French guy?
Just be honest and talk about your feelings. It might be uncomfortable but it’s a lot better than assuming something or letting him assume something which leaves one or both of you hurt and confused.
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Have you dated a French guy or a guy from another country? What would you add to my list?
♥Take a look here at Expat Dating France, the site for English speakers in France (or those who would like to be).♥
Please note: The comments section has really exploded here and while I do my best to reply to your comments, I won’t be able to get to them all. My best dating advice for you is to be open and honest with the person you’re seeing regardless of one’s nationality.
Want to hear from a French guy? Check out my French husband’s column on my site where he answers your questions all things French in Ask Tom Tuesdays!
And don’t forget to check out some of my favorite general dating books:
Comments (158)
Li
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Hi to the both of you.
I just happened to stumble upon your beautiful blog. Well, I guess you already know why. I am currently seeing a French guy but there doesn’t seem to be anything else aside from the fact that we do enjoy our time in bed. He asks me out to his place and chill and to watch movies. But maybe once or twice a week only. He doesn’t really call a lot, but he does texts when he wants to see me. You mentioned to be careful when it comes to kissing a guy on the lips, im not really sure if it still applies to him since he’s been in Asia for a year. I do understand that if a french guy is into to you then there is no game behind it whatsoever, I guess, somehow, I do wish that it is more than just having fun in bed. We do have fun whenever we’re together and one of the things i really like about him is our intellectual conversations. I also enjoy his sense of humor.
Anyway, that’s my short version of the story, i hope Tom would have the time to tell me what he thinks. Whether the guy could be really into me or he just wants to have a friend with benefits.
Sincerely.
Olivia
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Diane
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Hi Li, I told Tom about your comment and hopefully he’ll have time to respond this weekend. My two cents? This guy might just like what you have going on now and isn’t looking for anything serious. If he’s having fun, has companionship when he wants it and is taking the relationship for face value. Is he taking you on dates or just inviting you over when it’s convenient for him? I think if you want something more, you should address it directly with him because not sure if things will change if you don’t explain exactly where you stand. And if things are enough for you now, how they are, then see where it goes…. Good luck!
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britt
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So I live in Ohio and this very handsome French man came to my.work …I work in a bar though , long story short I was really attracted to him but he told me he had to leave to go back to France in 3 weeks and it scared me from getting close to him ..I did definitely kiss himit was mutual like we went in for the kiss at the same time he did ask me over to his friends house he was staying with twice I didn’t go because I knew there was 5 foreign guys living in that house and they were not all French so Ididnt know what to expect I seen him the last day before he left he stopped up at my work gave me a kiss and then I got busy at work so he ended up leaving but I text him the next day and his phone was shut off I’m assuming because he had a Ohio number he was no longer going to use in France ..so I guess my question is do u think I should go to his foreign friends house and try to get his new number or just consider him the one that got away haha I do really like him I have a lot of resentment I didn’t atleast go on a date but I didn’t want to get my feelings hurt because I knew he was leaving so.soon to go back to France
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frenchman
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Hello!
My 5p… On a 3 weeks stay a frenchman would probably have found a way to ask you out for dinner (and more than once!), and certainly not at his flat especially if there are already 5 other men living there. If he didn’t, that’s not a very good sign…
He would also have asked for your email, cellphone nulber so that he can keep in touch with you when back home. A frenchman won’t expect you to ask him first.
Maybe the guy was very shy… but this behaviour is very strange to me…
Mind you! Not all the French are the same, but…
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Diane
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I agree w/the frenchman that a guy will find a way to ask a girl out whether he’s living in the same town as you or thousands of miles away. I still vote that he has a wife/girlfriend back in France and didn’t want to risk cheating…
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frenchman
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A frenchman would invite you for a lunch first, as this is quite an “open” option it’s daytime, plenty of people around, no ambiguity… You have plenty of potential excuses for not spending the afternoon together….
Then if the lunch was nice he will go for a dinner in town…. Inviting somebody at your house is sending quite a clear message….
Then if you get into a relationship he will invite you at his home, maybe to introduce you to his friends…and maybe in the hope you will stay for the night…
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Diane
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Hmmm, Britt, this is a hard one. Without asking him, not sure we’ll ever know the answer but my first instinct is to ask you if you’re sure he wasn’t married or involved with someone back in France? In my opinion, if a guy likes you, he’ll do whatever he can to make contact or ask you out so the fact that he didn’t means either 1) He’s already with someone 2) Didn’t want to start something knowing he was leaving, but I think long-distance relationships can work so not sure this is a valid reason or 3) He was just being flirty and wasn’t that into you. I don’t think you should go to his friends’ house to get his number although that’s one way to find out what is up. I’m sure someone awesome will come your way in 2014… and if this French guy is meant to be in your life, your paths will cross again soon!
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tahbtiha
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i really loved your blog. i just have one question. fashion wise what should you wear on dates or events?
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Diane
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Hi there, thanks for checking out my blog!! I don’t know if there’s any one right way to dress in France and it depends on the person, but I’d say always err on the side of classy/modest and nothing too revealing or showy. French women always have a knack for looking put together and sophisticated, yet sexy — and not the center of attention in a short, bright-colored miniskirt or anything and garish makeup. I’d say that a tall boots and a skirt or skinny jeans and heels combo would work great. Of course this depends on the event or date, but definitely think classy all the way. 😉
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Beth
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So your tips for dating a French guy are pretty consistent with what I’ve experienced, as well, except in the current situation I’m in. Mostly because this is the closest I’ve gotten to dating a French guy exclusively, not just as a fling. I’m living in France for the year and met this guy a few months ago. It started as a hookup (we met in a bar, he had just gotten out of a relationship so I didn’t have any expectations beyond that), and basically we’ve just been meeting up on weekends to hang out/hook up. It’s extremely complicated to explain, but he admitted after the first time we hooked up that he had a girlfriend. I was angry, and we didn’t speak for 2 weeks. I had no intention of seeing him again, but he contacted me saying things were over with his girlfriend because he told her what happened, and he wanted to see me again. He made it clear that he wanted to live the single life for a while, so I rarely contact him to give him space. He, on the other hand, texts me all the time, not just to hang out but to see how I’m doing, etc. Recently, he suggested that we spend a weekend at his family’s home about an hour from the city where we live. I’m so skeptical of his motives because he’s sending mixed signals and I’ve been screwed over by French “players” (so to speak) before. I’m also hesitant to trust him since he technically cheated on his girlfriend with me. Apart from that, this guy is seriously great. He’s in med school, he values his family, we share interests, he’s extremely attractive and we have great chemistry. Any advice?
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Diane
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Hmm, this isn’t easy and I’m not a relationship expert by any means but here’s my take: If you can honestly not get your heart invested in this relationship, then go for it and see how things turn out. But that’s easier said than done. I think people’s past behavior can clue you into a lot and while maybe “once a cheater always a cheater” doesn’t always hold true, it might give me pause if I were you. BUT sometimes people make mistakes and truly learn their lesson and can change, so maybe this is the case with your guy. If you’re not looking for a serious love of your life and are OK with parting ways if things get weird in the future, then take it for what it is, have fun and have the time of your life! I just wouldn’t want to see you hurt if he ends up flaking out or things don’t work out the way you had hoped. Just keep a clear head, keep him guessing and chasing you and go for it! Keep me posted! Best of luck! Happy New Year (almost)
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Sandra
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I’ve been with my fiance for four years now and all I can say is that when you have an argument, he will not yield easily–especially if you are in the wrong. It’s always important that both parties keep their prides in check and to sit down and talk once the heat dies down. Playing cold shoulder is never the solution. Trust me, they play the game just as good.
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Cece
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I met my Frechman while on a trip a year ago this month. I was in the midst of a breakup and honestly he helped me through it in the Frenchest, most blunt way possible. I was traveling for 6 weeks, and I met him while he was in the middle of an round the world trip (lasting a year). We only kissed, albeit alot, but it felt like there was something.
Anyway, we exchanged literally hundreds of emails between January and November and started Facetiming in October. Work took me to Paris in December, we met up walked around the city, got tipsy, made out, didn’t go home together though.
Ok the day I get back he’s decided he’s going to come to the states for 5 weeks. He says he wants to see how he likes it here and see if he could build a life in Boston (I live in New York). Of course he’s never said ‘I like you’ or anything like that. He tries to play hard to get sometimes. Saying things like “You will set me up with an American girl right?” . . . . What gives?
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Diane
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It’s so hard to say, Cece because beyond just being French, there’s so much more to situations and people. So I can’t really say definitively. But here’s my take: He’s enjoying his time with you for what it is — a fun escape that has you both excited to see each other again. While I’m all for waiting it out and seeing what it turns into, if you really want a relationship and something more, I’d address it directly with him. Ask him how he sees things with you but be prepared for an answer you may not like just in case. If you just want to have fun and enjoy these moments for what they are, then just see how things develop naturally but if you’re falling for him and don’t know where this is going, like I said, I would have a serious talk. Maybe he feels strongly for you too but thinks you just want to keep it light and fun. You won’t know ’til you ask. Good luck!
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Barbara
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Hi,
I date this french guy for about a year now. We dated for six months when we both lived in the same city and 6 months long distance, but all this time we’ve been boyfriend and girlfriend and very much in love. Everything is always perfect which makes me fall in love more and more with him everyday. But my only consern is beacause even thought he have told all his friends about me as a girlfriend, he had never talked to his parents or family about me been his girlfriend (and he still lives with them), even when he came all the way to my city to visit me he just said to them he was travelling with friends. And that just makes me insecure 🙁 I wonder if that means he doesn’t take me seriously or see a future for us (even with him telling me he wants to be with me forever). I don’t know… is it part of the culture to not share that with the family and be more private?! what do you think?
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Diane
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That’s tough to answer. The fact that he hasn’t spoken to his family about you might be more about his relationship with his family than his relationship with you. Maybe they have a strained relationship or things in the past have backfired on him when he’s shared too much about his personal life. But then again, maybe it does have something to do with you. I don’t think this behavior of not sharing info with your family is inherently French. Everyone is different, so without talking to him, it’s impossible to be sure. I’d recommend that you straight up ask him directly. That’s the only way to put your insecurity to rest. Good luck and thank you for checking out my post!
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Nadine
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Hi Diane I really need help with my french man!
I have been dating my french man for about 2 months, he is not your typical frenchie in that he’s quite shy and not very vocal. He hasn’t told me he likes me, nor told me if he wants to be my boyfriend.. But he shows me he likes me by being very affectionate.. kissing me, etc..
At the beginning he was always texting me, initiating dates, sending long messages… We finally had sex last week which was amazing, so passionate, he was so attentive.. But now the texting has stopped, and he is not asking to see me again!
What went wrong? I don’t think I rushed into sex as I made him work hard for my attention, he initiated all dates, paid for everything, always initiated texts..He even cooked for me! I initiated sometimes so he knew I was interested, and of course I always reciprocated his attention with great interest!
I haven’t heard from him in 3 days now and I’m very upset as I was really starting to like him and he seemed so perfect up until now. It is very rare that he doesn’t contact me, as I mentioned before he was sending me very long texts almost every day before.
Has he lost interest or met someone else? What should I do? I don’t want to chase after him, but the last time I saw him he couldn’t stop kissing me, keep his hands off me. Its all so strange!
Thanks, and keep up the good work you have a great blog!
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Diane
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Hi, thanks for checking out my blog! First, let me say that I am not sure this is cultural thing, so I don’t want to stereotype French guys. Because they’re really not that different from any other guy. But here’s my take on what might be going on (but without being direct with him, we won’t know for sure):
1) All the romance was a sham and that he just wanted to get in your pants. Now that he has, he’s disappeared. Maybe he has a girlfriend already or is even married.
2) He’s waiting on you. You had sex and maybe he’s a little shy and is waiting for YOU to be the one to initiate contact especially since he’s been the one to contact you the majority of times. I’d send a text and tell him what a great time you had and then wait for him to respond. Maybe even put a little worry in the text like “Hope there’s no problem since I haven’t heard from you.” If he doesn’t respond or is very short, you have your answer that maybe something has changed. (see above)
3) There’s some kind of personal problem going on either with his family or something along those lines. But even if his grandma died or something (or his phone died), he could still call or text to let you know (from a friend’s phone if necessary)! So not sure this is the case. And like you said, maybe he did meet someone else. But still, he could have the decency to let you know.
If you’re really falling for this guy and the waiting is killing you, go with what I said in #2 and send him a text. Give him a little time to respond and take it from there. I try to think the best of people ’til they give me a reason to think otherwise and I’m kind of on the edge with him. I hope this is him just being weird and that all is well, but actions really do speak louder than words. SO the fact it’s been 3 days is really odd based on your history with him. Send that text… and let me know what happens!! Good luck! And if this guy turns out to be a major disappointment, there are many more for you to meet. Keep your chin up!
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Nadine
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Thanks so much for your reply!
So, one thing I forgot to add, this has already happened before. So after the first time we had sex, he took a couple of days to text and when he did text he didn’t initiate any plans. So I thought maybe he is waiting for me and so I asked him out. He agreed, and we had sex again..
So I thought everything was fine, I asked if he was sleeping with anyone else and he said no not at all. We have never discussed our relationship, what we are, whats going on here. But he was as affectionate as ever with me. Even kissed me on the cheek while I was sleeping (I was actually half asleep so felt him do it)
And now, since that last meeting which was 3 almost 4 days ago now, I haven’t heard from him.
So I’m thinking it might be option number 1, it was all a sham just to get in my pants… Or I’m thinking of sending a text telling him I’m disappointed in him and unimpressed that he’s turned like this, or I do as you said and take initiative again like I did last week and just ask what’s up (although I don’t want to make this a habit!!) Or I do nothing.
What do you think?
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Diane
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You’re welcome. 😉 You didn’t say in your comment if you’re American or not, but one thing I’ve noticed between dating in both cultures is the need for having “the talk” about what you are — a couple, just friends with benefits, or what? The French (yes I’m generalizing) assume that if you’re going out together and being intimate, that it’s a given that you’re together and a couple. This might not be the same with all age groups though. Whereas with Americans, until you really discuss things, you can’t assume you’re exclusive or anything more than just a casual fling. So before you dismiss him entirely and write him off as someone who was just trying to use you, I’d have a conversation about it. And let him talk — don’t put him on the defensive or accuse him of anything. We can’t always let our own culture’s norms dictate what’s normal in intercultural relationships, so just tell him that in your culture (if you’re American, or your culture is similar), that it’s important to you to clarify what you guys are (if it is indeed important, which it seems to be, i’d want to know where you guys stand too!). Then see what he says.
Sure he’s not married? I just read an article about some survey saying 1 in 2 French men cheat haha so maybe I’m biased. Let me know what happens!
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Nadine
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No, he is definitely not married! We are in our mid to late twenties… and he is definitely single, I’ve been to his apartment, I’ve seen his facebook, I know about his family….
I live in the UK, so I guess yes similar culture to American where we kind of need to define what we are.
But surely if we were ‘together’ in his eyes, then he would have made contact by now?! And wouldn’t it be strange if I randomly contact him now after this ‘silence’ period and ask him ‘what we are?’
Lol sorry for all the questions, I am just so confused!!
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Diane
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I’m the type of person who would want to know and I wouldn’t just be able to let this go. I’d always be wondering what happened, if it was me, if he was just using me or what. So whether it’s been 3 days or 3 months, I personally would call him up and have “the talk.” Better to know and be hurt than to not know and always wonder (in my opinion). And if he won’t talk to you straight up about this and ignores you, then it was sadly reason #1. But you’ll never know if you don’t ask. Good luck!
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Diane
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And one more thing. I think our intuition is right on 99.9% of the time, even if we don’t want to listen to it at first. What is your heart telling about this based on what you already know?
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Nadine
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Yes, I am like you too where I just need to know what the hell is going on… I am already hurting and I don’t want to keep wondering what if….
I normally have very strong intuition, but I am torn… I am thinking either he has lost interest or has met someone else… I don’t really believe he would be waiting for me to make the move because otherwise he would have given up and contacted me by now!
Thanks so much for all your help, I will contact him and see wha’ts going on! 😉
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Diane
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You’re welcome. I think you’ll definitely rest easier knowing the truth (hopefully he will give that to you) even if it hurts at first. Hoping for the best!
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Nadine
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Hi Diane, quick update on my situation. I told him I didn’t know where I stood with him, that I was starting to like him but was confused on the situation as I hadn’t heard from him.
He replied saying sorry he has been really busy at work and he was hungover from going out….
I can’t believe it.. I put my feelings out there, put my heart on the line.. He didn’t even acknowledge when I told him I liked him, or asked where I stood.
What a d***!
I am definitely not replying, I’m so angry!
What are your thoughts on his response?
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Diane
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Oh man, I wouldn’t have been too pleased with that response either. On the bright side, we have two things: 1) At least he wrote back and you’re not still wondering and 2) We know the type of guy he is and you can move on.
I think we know exactly what this was all about. #1 on my first comment. He liked you, wanted to get in your pants, now he has and it’s nothing serious for him. But he at least had to sense to reply to you. I’m sure if you invited him over, you can continue this friends with benefits thing but if he treats you like this? I’d never call him again. Ugh. So sorry you’re in this situation. I hope you find a nice guy soon!
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Nadine
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Well I didn’t reply to him, but he sent me another message asking when he can see me again!
I just can’t figure him out….
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Diane
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He’ll do whatever he can to get something for nothing. So unless you’re OK with this arrangement — him using you and being there when it’s convenient, then I say respond with a “never” or wait for him to MAJORLY step it up. I think I’ve written him off 99%
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Nadine
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Hmm i’m not going to reply. I will see if he makes any more contact / effort otherwise I will forget about him.
Thanks! 🙂 really has put me off dating! I thought he was such a sweet french gentleman!
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Diane
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Any updates here, Nadine?
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Nadine
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Hi Diane!
Yes, Well he contacted me about a week later, saying that he was sorry for his silence but he was really confused about my initial reaction (me telling him I was confused and that I didn’t know where I stood with him), and he said he was keen to take it slow with me and get to know me more. But he felt like I wanted something serious which he couldn’t give me as he had been hurt in a previous relationship and he wasn’t ready for that.
I replied telling him that I only asked him where I stood as he was being inconsistent and I don’t just sleep with anyone and didn’t want to be messed around.
I told him that I didn’t want to rush into a relationship either as I too had been hurt in the past, and I was keen to get to know him better and take it slow too.
But he never replied to that! ha! So I don’t know whether to believe his explanation, because if he wanted to take things slow and get to know me, we would be doing that now. So I don’t know if he just couldn’t admit he was no longer interested or had met someone else.
OR, maybe I will hear from him again in a week! Who knows! Either way, think I’m going to have to forget about him!
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Isa
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All of this is very true!! When I was a teen and watching american teen movies, I’ve always wondered why dating seemed to be that complicated! I’ve not dated a thousand of guys in my life but everything was pretty simple: let’s go out/it was fun, i like you/phone/going out/kiss/together. And that doesn’t make it less exciting!
I love seeing my culture through your eyes. Thanks!
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Diane
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Yes, the movies do over complicate things, don’t they? So glad you enjoy my posts!
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Jifer
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Hi there!
I really feel good to read all those conversations in this blog.
Well,,I am just little bit curious also cause I used to search blogs and forums about behaviors of a french guy when it comes to romance..” He will call a lot..means he cares about you..
I meet one french guy online..I really feel impressed and started to like him for a reason that since we meet he really often called me in skype..we always do a videocall even he is waiting for almost 5 hours till i got home from my work..We used to sleep together online..and note that he is the one who initiated it. It’s been more a month now..He is very sweet and so kind..Uhmmm…Little Bossy and really if he says NO…it is really a NO. He never forget to send me a message..Then, it happened sometimes that if we lost the signal he called me in my phone just to wake me up and do the call again…I really find it so romantic since that we are in a long distance relationship..France to Asia…
Plus, even during his days off..he loves to spent time with me online.
I just wanted to share my experienced with this french guy,,If this could also means he like me or just made it fun online..Or I could say it is also love online..or what..?
As he always said he loves me and planned to meet me on Christmas in my country.
Have a nice day!
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Diane
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Hi there, I think there could be something there. It certainly sounds promising. Just take things one day at a time and enjoy the relationship for what it is right now — long distance. If he didn’t like you, he wouldn’t be making all this effort, so he definitely likes you. He’s probably seeing what it will lead to as well…. have fun!
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jifer
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Hi Ms. Diane,
So glad to hear from you. Yeah, I really feel I am so special that way even I informed him about blogs and forums I knew about french behavior. Yet, he informed ” Not all humans are all the same baby like our fingers” they were all in different size .Seems very smart answer. Right?..Hope that we are on the same lead in the future.. My day is always been complete because he never missed any single day since we knew each other. ..Hope it will work though…
I really love and it feels good to share it with you..
Who knows maybe we could a happy ending…
Thanks Dear Diane
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Jifer
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Hi Ms. Diane
Uhmmmm….My french guy confessed of something really gets me hurt about his x girlfriend..and another thing he did crazy when he was a teen maybe at age of 15, for me really it was so stupid thing that I could fall out of love to him.
For him he just wanted to be honest and not to keep secret to me at all. But, in me I can’t get over and think about his past..I feel crazy maybe he would do it again..,. I choose not to talk and comment about that..But he ask me not to leave him…..he just want to be real man to me.
Do you think I have to go on with him,,,but because sometimes I cant pretend I’m okay..I can feel he loves me and I feel the same..
Do you think he really mean to say all those things to prove himself or maybe he just making a test what could be my reaction about that..Is that a common behavior of a french guy or what…
Will be happy and glad to hear from you…Your blogs is getting more interesting stories..Love it!
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Diane
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Hi there, first I think we need to look at this as just a man problem, not a French man problem. Not sure his nationality plays into this directly. So my thoughts: On one hand, I applaud him for being honest with you. I think speaking the truth (to a point) breaks down barriers in a relationship and that honesty can only foster future trust. But without knowing the specifics, it’s hard to say if what he told you was a smart move or not. It also depends on your morals. I mean if he said he smoked marijuana when he was 15 and you are very anti-drug and that is a deal breaker, well then now you know the truth and you can either move on or accept it for what it was. But if it’s something like he killed a man and got away with it, well that’s a little different. On the other hand, if his honesty came out of left field and he told you things that you never would have found out otherwise, maybe you should question why he told you. Did he feel guilty about these things and he wanted to come clean (again not sure how serious they were) in an effort to further his relationship with you? Did he tell you randomly like it was nothing or does he feel bad about these things? Does he know your feelings/morals and know these truths might scare you off?
If these confessions really bother you and you feel differently about him, I think you need to talk through it with him so you both can explain your reasons — yours for being put off/could fall out of love and his reasons for coming clean about these things.
Again, I don’t think this has anything to do with being French. Some guys might be testing you but maybe he was just trying to start a new relationship fresh, with a clean slate and 100% honestly. I think you need to have a serious conversation with him. Good luck!
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Jifer
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Hi there!
Actually when he confessed that time especially when he talk about his x girlfriend he was crying and he kept on telling , I’m sorry ..I’m Sorry I’m sorry..he can’t forget her but he loves me..He is asking that he is happy for what we have right now..it’s part of the past. But,I can’t accept how he say he loves me and even he wanted to marry if he can’t let go of his past..
Also, to consider what happened from his teenage time..He have a Gf and involved to ( one of the family member) It’s a kind of stupidity right?….. I can’t get rid into it, I’m afraid it will happened though he explained he was very young that time.
For sure, he feels guilty.. He admits it. promise not to do it again. He promise to be faithful and good to me. He ask me not to leave him..Of course I won’t leave him..He don’t deserve it..I think I would be stupid if I do that..I know he just want to be honest and cleaned anything before our relationship would be into more deeper.
We had talked..And, the best thing that we agreed to forget the past,,.
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Jifer
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Hi Ms. Diane,
How are you there!..
I really feel good writing in this blog..and I love to hear your advice and how you deal with..
Well..Just here I am again about my French Guy..Its been almost 5 months now were together in an online long distance relationship..I love him the way he gave me time and for the plans he have for-seeing that this relationship really works..I couldnt felt either he is cheating cause almost 24/7 we are in contact..so happy for that by the way he never missed a day to call me and talked about us..
But only one thing..I feel sometimes I wanted to give up because he is so moody and very bossy..I feel like I could be a slave the rest of my life…I LOVE HIM SO MUCH..but sometimes it really sucks..
Thanks.. Hope to hear from you soon…
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Maria
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Hi, I can just tell you that if he is moody and bossy all the time – leave. I spent 4 years on a french man like this and in the beginning I was a strong women – but his constant nagging just got worse and worse and in the end I had to break up with him. It took me a long time to repair the damage he had made to me phsycologically. Just leave.
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Jiferklee
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Hi..Marie
So glad to hear your reply on this post
Yeah he is moody and so bossy but not actually constant the thing that once he is mad ..OH MY GOD..it seems like your the worst person on earth. But I don’t know this month he change a little bit like controlling his moods and temper but of course till when he would act like that…not so sure..!!!
Do you think I have to broke up with him..I mean for sure I cant just leave just like that ( I mean now)..To be fair to him I guess…
I can’t just disappeared in a sudden..somehow I know he will be hurt..
Hope to hear more from you…
Thank you so much Ms. Marie
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Marie
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Hello there.
I met a French men he is quite a bit older than me and a real gentlemen. We met one week ago by working on a fair together. Anyways, one week long every day we gave each other allot of attention. Mostly we were sticking together. The last evening we talked, had a good amount of good wine and he said he wanted to see me again. He said, I making him shy, he said he would love to see me again or invite me somewhere such as Paris if I would like to. Our connection was really good. We exchanged numbers. Until now I didn´t hear from him. I know he is also busy with business.. Do you think it would be smart or complimenting for him to drop him a text that I wanna see him again?Or is that a no- go in France and he isn´t seriously interested anymore? bisous 🙂
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Diane
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Hi Marie, are you both living in France? And how much older is he? Are you sure he isn’t in a relationship already? I’m a big fan of not playing games but honestly, even if he’s busy, if he wanted to see you, he’d contact you. I wouldn’t say he’s not interested, but maybe just has other things going on. I do think you can send him a message but only once otherwise it may come across as desperate. And see where it goes… good luck!
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Marie
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Hi Diane,
No, I´m living in the Netherlands for my studies ( I am German) and he lives in the South of France but I´m planning to spent the summer there anyways for an internship. He is 20 years older than me. I am sure that he is Single. He was married before but is alone now. It sounds all very crazy. I just don´t know what to do. Wait until summer to text him or text him already to remind him of me… I love your blog btw
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Diane
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Well a little text never hurt. It’s not intrusive, so if you send one, it might just make him happy or he can simply ignore it. No harm. 😉 And thanks so much, glad you like the blog!
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Megan
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I met this French guy (his English is not great and my French is poor) in my recent trip. I am in America now (he’s still in France) and will be in France again soon. I am new to the French and the culture. Ever since the trip, I have been getting text messages in English like ‘kisses’, ‘big kisses’, very good wakeup kisses… I know the French love their kisses. But then every now and then, he will text me with baby, darling, a heart, etc. If I don’t respond to his text, he will ask what’s up with me in a day or two. Is this just normal friendly gesture or is there a romantic interest? Jeez, I sort of need to know because I don’t want to feel all awkward when I see him again. Someone please tell me…. I am a bit confused. I guess I can always ask him, but I don’t want to at this point. :-<
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Diane
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Hmm, it’s so hard to say especially if you’re communicating via text, where anyone can act like anything they want. Long distance is hard, add in another culture and it’s even more difficult to decipher. I think he’s testing the waters and keeping the spark alive but it’s really hard for me to comment because you didn’t mention the back story of how things were when you were in France with him. Is this a friend or did you go on dates and hook up? If there was something physical, he may consider you a girlfriend or maybe a potential girlfriend. But without knowing more it’s really hard to say. Just take it for what it is and I’d ask him straight up next time you’re in France what his expectations are (or share yours) if it’s really bothering you. But if you don’t know him well and you’re living on different continents, it may be a difficult road… Just enjoy things when you see him next. You never know! 😉
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Meagan
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Hi Diane,
Merci beaucoup. Thanks so much for your detailed personal reply. You Rock! 🙂
I met this guy in the office setting, since my company has a branch there. He had complimented me on being pretty and sexy. We did exchange some intimate sexy gestures, but no sex prior to me leaving.
On Valentine’s day, he told me he did not have a good day because he doesn’t have a gf at this point. At the end of the text, he said I kiss you and sent me bear hugs.
Today he sent me gros calins and kisss… he’d invited me to stay with him this time in my trip to France. He said he’s too afraid he’s such a boring person (a high-tech geek) living in a boring town (it is very small in the countryside) that I’d get tired of him. So he invited me to stay for a week. I mean, the guy works a lot, too. So do I. I will be in France for 1 1/2 months, mainly working.
Yes, long distance relationship is hard. I fall hard for this guy atm, because he really makes me smile. Those in my circle are shocked and wonder why, because he’s not a hot-looking guy, while me on the other hand, has been chased around by men. I am not boasting here by any means. Just to lay out the facts. 🙂
I’ve got a feeling that we are probably gonna never go beyond friends with benefits stage…. long distance is too hard. Sigh.
Thanks again, Diane, for this blog and for listening.
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Meagan
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Just want to add….we also did video calls over Skype – pretty fun conversations. I laughed so hard every time we called each other, cuz I always blundered in French and some of the stuff he said in English via straight help of Google Translate was totally hilarious. 😀
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Marie
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Hi, long comment so please feel free to edit. I did some googling and found your site. I met a man from France that I am interested in but I’m unsure of his intention. I’ve dated French men before but they were all born in the states (America) with extended families in France and would go back and forth so it’s not really something I can go back and compare to this current situation.
I met a man at his job (I was a client and it was my first visit with him). I originally came to see someone else and they were booked so they offered his services for free. He was a bit cold at first but towards the end we started talking and hit it off. Later another french gentleman (majority of the employees were French) looked at me and smiled, in which I smiled back and my French guy gave him a rude look and the guy looked away. I just assumed my guy didn’t want someone else taking his clients. Anyway, at the end of the service, he walked over to my belongings, helped me with my coat, and asked for my information so we could keep in touch (I also asked for his business cards beforehand to pass out at my job because we have a large female clientelle base). He kept saying that I was beautiful and smiled a lot but I also assumed it was something he did to keep clients.
A few days later I received a text message saying that it was a pleasure to take care of me and that he hoped to see me again. I had actually just got him a thank you card and was about to mail it so I wrote back that I had just been thinking about him and was about to send the thank you card. Those texts escalated to more texts… it was his day off and he invited me to his gym where there was a jacuzzi (I had to turn down bc I was at work), and then the other day his text message ended with he hoped to see me soon and kissies.
Clearly this could be a language barrier, or just him being friendly in order to keep me as a client for the future, but I was just curious to see what your feedback should be on whether I should take a risk and ask him out or just wait and see if he asks me out.
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Diane
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Hi Marie, I’ll do my best to answer. But a few questions: This is a French guy who you met at his job in the US? And your communication was in English? It seems from what you wrote that he was maybe a massage therapist or physical therapist (not a business client for a corporate job), but if this was a corporate type of exchange, he seems a little out of line commenting on your beauty and getting personal in texts. So I’m assuming this was more of a casual thing? Maybe even a hairdresser? I don’t know. In any case, we often get one chance in life and I’m a big fan of not living with regret, so if you haven’t heard much from him and you want to ask him out, go for it. But normally, if a guy is interested in you, he’s going to go for it and make the first move. I just don’t want to see you invest time in him and think it’s a relationship if he sees it as a booty call. The fact he told you there was a jacuzzi at the gym makes me think that’s where his mind was at. Maybe not. See if he asks you out to dinner, publicly. Unless you’re just looking for some fun…
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Udita
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Hi, I came across this blog just by chance. I am an Indian woman, 25 years old, and I have friend in Paris who visits India often. We have a circle of friends here in my city. Anyway he is kind of double my age which of course doesn’t matter to me. The thing is the last time he was here he put his arm around me and started running his finger across my back. My friends here took note of it and told me he had designs on me. Of course, I didn’t mind, I just assumed it was his way of expressing cordiality and it only felt weird because here this kind of touchy-feely between a man and a woman is still frowned on. But it would help to get your views on this.
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Diane
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Hi Udita, thanks for stopping by. In your situation, it’s so hard to say definitively. It seems like maybe he’s “putting his feelers out” meaning he’s trying his best to make a move on you and see what your limits are or if you’d be open to it. Are you open to it? Do you want a relationship or fling with him or is he just a friend that you want a platonic relationship with? Depends what you’re looking for. But he seems to want more than just a friendly relationship, especially if he knows the touchy-feely stuff is a little bit taboo in your culture. If you want to take things further with him, just keep an open mind and see where it goes…
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Udita
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Hi, Thanks for your advice. Ill keep that in mind next time I talk to him. Dating wise he’s pretty out of my league and certainly not because I am a cultural snoot who doesn’t like white men. 😛 😀 He’s just way older for my liking. Ill make it clear to him somehow I am not his type. He certainly has a fascination for women in my city. Nice blog BTW. Love
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Diane
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Oh, well if you don’t like him in that way, I’d say make it clear you’re not interested. That way he won’t get the wrong impression. So happy you like the blog!
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Aleja
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Hi Diane, (sorry about my english, i’m not a native speaker)
Well my story is this, i met my french guy while in a party, we are erasmus students and we both love literature and even we study the same we prefer to write about things while diferent than our career.
We were playing to kiss and no kiss, was really sweet and romantic (even inside the club with all the noise) then i invited him to come over my home and you could imagine the rest, we couldn’t sleep that night, he told me he want to see me again, so the next day i went to his place with one of my friends because we were going to another party, when i arrived at his home he kissed me on my lips in front of my friend, i was really surpised hehe… we talked a bit and then I leaved not before saying goodbye with more kisses in his lips. He was waiting for me that night on facebook but i came too late to my place, i didn’t give him my phone number (i don’t know why) so we used to use fb as the way to communicate to each other.
We met after that day one night, he came to my home (we leave like 5 min walking from each other) slept again together and agreed to make a dinner with my flatmates and some of his friends. The day of the dinner he was really romantic with me in front of everybody, he kissed me, huged me and held my hand during the whole night.
The problem: We slept together againg that night, he is a really sweet guy, but he has to travel to another country in a week, he was asking me what we should do about us, i didn’t know what to answer, i just told him “well coucou… carpe diem” yeah… what an answer…!! The next day he asked me again and i told him almost the same answer, I didn’t see him since that day, sometimes we talk through fb and he told me is better if we stop everything now, he told me also he got my opinion very clear, I don’t know what to do… I really like him and i want to spend the last week he had here with him, i told him last night this but he told me he is going to think about it, he’s not sure because he said is going to be hard for him to say goodbye.. =(
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Erin
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Hi Diane,
This blog is amazing and perfect 🙂
I met my french boyfriend a couple of months ago. After being with him i can definitely recognize some cultural differences and how differently they act. Out of all the guys i have dated in the past, he is the best boyfriend ever. He speaks very good english, so that is good and i speak very good french. So there is no language barrier. He makes me feel special and calls me beautiful all the time. After two weeks of dating he told me he loved me. The french are very fast pace!! He is already talking about the future and where he wants to live with me. He even told me he wants to travel around the world with me. Is this normal, talking about the future so early for the french? Also, he always is calling me and texting me 24/7. Is this too normal for everyone dating a french man? He writes me these love notes telling me i illuminate his life and that i am his angel. I am in America at the moment and he is in France. I visit France this summer to see him. Do you have any suggestions on what to do with him to make the most of the visit? I will only be staying for 2 weeks. From reading this do you think he is committed to me and really does love me?My friends think he is head over heels for me but i just want your opinion:) Thank you very much for reading this!
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Lisbet
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Hi there! Just came across, really useful tips and hints. I’ve been googling same subject and I’ve found that opinion in several places. I mean, the kiss seems to be quite important in French culture. That confuses me, because I just started to date a French guy. On our first date, in one of those “awkward” silence moments, he kissed me in a lips and seeing my surprised face – he added that in his tradition it’s a natural way to show he likes me. For me, I’m a Scandinavian, as a nation we’re quite cold and reserved, surprising was also how easily he touched me. As we were sitting side to side, even when he was telling some stories he constantly was touching my knee, my hands. We’ve met for the first time in person, before we just kind of knew each other via facebook for couple of days. Is it normal that French guys are that fast and straightforward? Thank you very much in advance!
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Pretty
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I met this French guy about 6 months ago. He was visiting my country for the first time…So I offered to take him out for lunch. We talked for almost three hours….We kept in touch via mails and nothing more…He has being desperately asking me out for lunch. I am single and am worried my emotions et a better part of me. What do you advice me?
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Nicole
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I’ve just gone on 3-4 dates with a French guy that’s lived in the States for about 8 years. He’s a recent divorcee of 6 years. He’s definitely been persistent in asking me out and making efforts to arrange all of the dates… Last night, I was just being friendly and as a response to his text message, I ended my text with “Have a restful night. Kisses…” and he responded with “Have a nice night. Bisous”
Now, we have not even touched each other in ANY of the dates we’ve had. I just have a habit of saying that via text. Should I be concerned of it? How might he read that?
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Ara
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Hello Diane!
I am in a LDR with my guy for 8 mos already. We met online, he said he is coming over to visit me but suddenly said he cannot afford and went to TW but before he met me that was his original plan. And I understand about tthat. We had fights the last time we did we talked about break up because I was so upset but he doesnt like and I dont really mean it either. But he rarely say I love you anymore and he doesnt call me sweet endearments too 🙁 if I say “I love you” to him he responds with “love you” without I and it makes me sad but I can’t ask him. I am afraid of what is gonna be his answer. But he talks about kids and marriage. We have plans. It just makes me curious why he’s gotten cold without the i love yous sweet endearments and sometimes he just leaves me hanging waiting for his reply. Now I have an agenda of how he will speak to me. I havent messaged him since last night and you said if a french guy likes you he will call a lot. But since last night he only had messaged me once. But he has this attitude like if i dont talk to him, he wont either. Like pride thing. Do you think he still likes me ? T.T because I have read an article that frenchmen doesnt like to hurt someone’s feelings. He won’t break up with you girst.
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Diane
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Hi Ara, sorry for what you’re going through. It’s hard to know what’s going on but just a few questions. Have you ever met in person? You said you met online but have you ever lived in the same area and been “together” or it’s been an online relationship from the start? Also, what’s TW? Sorry.
Long distance relationships aren’t easy — trust me, Tom and I were in one for over a year — and something has to give for it to really get serious, I feel. So you either move to France or he moves to where you live and it’s an easy decision. The fact that he’s getting distant, you’re fighting, etc. is definitely not a good sign. But it would be helpful to know if you’ve lived together/dated before in person and if you’ve met face to face. If so, maybe it’s time for one of you to move to the other’s country if you feel it’s time to take it to the next level. Otherwise, it seems like he’s having doubts and is doing the slow-fade breakup to spare your feelings. Again, I am just an outsider responding to what you wrote. I hope things get better for you! Hang in there.
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Jordanna
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Hi! This is such an awesome blog! I worked in the US for a year and during that time had the privilege of working with the french guy my age. I was crushing over someone else that time and barely noticed him. Then one day he just popped me a message online trying to be friends with me. We eventually became very close friends. We share a common passion for the beach and I eventually found myself being fetched very early in the morning everyday to have breakfast in the beach. I’ve never had a relationship since birth and was absolutely oblivious about what it all meant. We would stay in the beach until 10am then he will drive me back to my house so I can take a bath and prepare for work then he will drive back and we go to work together. This went on for weeks on end. There were times when we would keep each other company from 9am until about 12mn just talking, laughing, having a great time. He has roommates that I also work with and they will all tell me how painfully private he is. However, he introduced me to his sisters and would talk about his family, his pet and his dreams all the time.
He will never miss a day of texting. Sometimes he will text 6-10 times just telling me random things that happened to him all throughout the day. I was by this time absolutely head over heels with him already but he never said a word. People at work will begin to tease us but still not a word from him.
I happen to come from a very conservative family and culture that frowns on women making the first move so we continued on with whatever it was that was between us. Then one day he told me something in the beach. He said that in France when a woman and a man goes out for extended time together just the two of them it means they are a couple. Being so naive, and not really understanding why he was and what he was saying, all I could say was, “really?”
He never tried to say anything again. After 4 months he left for France. I was so sad when he left. He was sweet and would kiss me in the cheek or hug me or put his head on my lap or shoulders but nothing more than that. That was the extent of our intimacy. I felt something was not being said.
We continued to skype, text and call each other almost everyday. He showed me his home and introduced me to his grandmom and his dog (via skype). One day out of insanity and just because I couldnt hold on to my feelings anymore, I wrote him a letter saying how I felt.
His response was that I am special but he doesn’t want to confuse me. So that confused me all the more. I refused to talk to him for about a month just to move on and after that we were back talking to each other as if nothing happened. Now its been almost 2 years and we still talk to each other constantly, more than what regular boy and girl friends will do. I am just so confused and I want to move on. How can I move on when I don’t have the heart to get rid of him.
What do you think this relationship is about? Is he just commitment phobic or am I really just a friend and I deserve to move on?
Thanks in advance!
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Maria
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Hey i love your blog !
Im a french student just about to go on my yer abroad. Ive met a french guy in uni , and we seem to have so much in common. Weve had exams so due to lack of time this week will be our first date, he seems amazing and im actually nervous. Do you have any tips ?
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Brandy
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Hi Dianne,
Thanks for the tips and I love your blog. I have met a french guy 10 years ago, and have been keeping in touch like pen-pals since. We write, and video chat each other often. It feels like we’ve grown up together because we always update each other on our lives and wje both are always traveling/living in different parts of the world. 2 years ago when I told him I started dating someone (here in Canada), he confessed that he was really hurt, so he secretly had a crush on me… That ”wowed” me a lot. Because all these times, I’ve felt that he’s has always been my best friend, we have so much in common, and I enjoyed talking to him a lot. It’s such a surprise for him to express how he feels. Now 10 years has passed, with us all grown up, financially stabled, he’s coming to see me next month, he simply said “I like you a lot, and I hope I’ll never lose you again”. This is nerve-wrecking (in a good way). Wish me luck! Do you believe in destiny?
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Diane
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Hi Brandy, thanks for commenting… So this is interesting. Did your French guy assume you were in a relationship and you assumed you were just friends? Or he know you were friends and was hoping you’d be together one day? Did you ever have a “what are we” talk or anything where you both shared your feelings? Were you ever romantic with each other? It’s strange that you’ve kept in touch for 10 years and nothing more or less ever came out of your long-distance friendship. Was he just shy around you or assume it wouldn’t work out due to the distance? Sorry, I have more questions than answers. To your last point, I do believe in destiny and fate to a point but we have to be active participants in our lives as well. So if he’s making the trip to come and see you, I say see where it goes, don’t set any expectations and your heart will tell you which way to go. Come back and comment after his visit. Curious to know what happens! Good luck
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Brandy
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Hi Diane, it has never been a romantic relationship. It was like friends/pen-pals kind of thing. We both didn’t think it was possible to call this a ”relationship” due to distance. He was traveling around the globe, I was moving from Thailand to Canada. There was a lot going on in our lives.
Thank you for your advice, I like when you said to not set any expectations 🙂 I’ll just go with the flow. After all these years, at least we’re good friends. I guess we’ll just enjoy each other’s company. I’ll keep you posted.
And I love your website 🙂 I’ve learn more things about France. Thank you, keep up the good work.
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Diane
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Thank you! And good luck!
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Brandy
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Hi Diane! It’s great to see so many new comments on your posts 🙂
I’ve finally met my French for the first time! With some problems at the customs/border, they denied his entry, flew him back to Europe, he still didn’t give up. He bought the next flight back to Canada right away. I’ve never seen anybody do that before! Phrew… It was a long stressful situation. But after 3 flights (30 hours), he’s finally here!
We’ve known each other for 10 years we clicked right away when we met in person, and have had such a good time.
I dont know about other French out there, but this one is very sweet and romantic. All the small little things he’s done. He’s honest, straight-forward, simple, and very proud of where he’s from.
He’s spending 3 weeks here with me. It would be sad when he leaves. There is no promise at this point, but I think we’ll keep in touch until we meet again.
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Annika
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OK, I’m a little late to this party, but here goes:
I’m an American girl living in Los Angeles, late twenties — just had my first encounter ever with a French guy who has been living here for the last ten years. I’ve “dated” a number of other Europeans (specifically, Brits and Germans), so I always know what to expect with them but with the French? I know nothing.
At the risk of coming off as slutty, we met on a casual sex website (first time being single in five years, want to enjoy it), we met, absolutely hit it off — crazy amount of stuff in common, complementary personalities (I’m pretty type A, he’s very mellow), we were both charmed by each other, and spent the last three hours of our four hour date making out on a street near my house.
I saw him two days later, we had sex, and it was amazing — blah, blah, blah.
BUT!
Unlike American FWB (friend-with-benefits) culture, he invited me to sleep over “but [we’ll] have to wake up at 5 AM” as he begins work at 6:30 AM — and as we all know, sleeping over is a big no no in American FWB culture. Keep in mind, I only live ten minutes away, so when I said no, he said he’d walk me to my car, gave me the biggest romantic kiss ever and told me to text him when I got home.
I am not sure if this is a cultural thing or if he was just being polite or if he genuinely wanted me to sleep over to be near me??
I LIKE HIM! A LOT! And I am actually open to something more than just FWB with him (rare occurrence for me), but I am unsure if he is into it and is just naturally amorous with women, period.
He’s all over me all the time — kissing me everywhere in public and in private, reminds me to keep eye contact with him, always holding my hand, communicates very well with me (tells me the kind of women he’s attracted to are a set of adjectives that pretty much describe me), always staring at me, making faces at me, generally being silly and fun and charming. Basically, lots of sweet words, eye contact, PDA, physical affection, cuddling, making sure I am taken care of (opening my doors, getting me water if I am thirsty, etc).
I don’t think “kissing seals the deal” for him in this case because he says he likes kissing, A LOT.
There’s more context, but I think this is the gist.
Helppppp!
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Diane
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Hey Annika, so your guy has been living in the US for a bit so maybe American dating habits have influenced him a bit, BUT at his core he’s still French and was raised in France. I think French guys are simple for the most part. No games. If he says he likes you and wants to be with you, it means exactly that. Now of course things might change as time goes on but I don’t think he’s lying to you or just being polite about wanting you to sleep over. He probably genuinely wanted your company.
See where it goes and don’t set expectations too high. Then you’ll be pleasantly surprised if it gets more serious. Good luck!
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Laura
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Hi Diane!
First of all, thank you for the great pointers.
I know nothing about french guys nor much about french culture neither. Here goes a version of my story (I’ll try to make it short).
I went to Paris for a congress for 7days, approx 3 wks ago. On my 2nd night, a friend of mine with his bf took me to a Brazilian bar to watch football, I spotted a guy in a suit, just bc he was in a suit, everyone else was wearing shirts… at the end of the match he approached me and asked me if I was brasilian, bc he saw me cheering, jumping and going all crazy abt the team (I am not, but I love brasil). We engaged in a small chat, my friend was all PDA with her bf so she didnt even notice me being gone, haha… and after a while my friend came and dragged me away of the conversation bc we were about to miss our bus home, so I hardly had time to say goodbye to him, luckily he has given us his business card. Although I thought it was rude, I’ve moved on with my life, till the next night, while opening my purse I found his card, so I decided to call him, kind of an apology for leaving rudly… point is, we settle for a drink the next evening.
(I’ve being single for 10months now, and did not go on dates since then, nor nothing, my last relationship ended up really bad, with a narcisistic sociopath, so I took time to heal and re-found myself).
Anyhow, we met, we had a sandwich next to the river in Notre Dame, and then headed to 3 different bars, laughed a lot, and found many common subjects, payment wise, I made it very clear from the beginning, I pay my half so does he. Time flies when you’re having fun right? and my friend leaves in the suburbs, so I was about to miss my bus too, and walking alone, in a city I don’t know, I could have tho, but I decided to tease him while we were riding the subway… He said, he knew already that he was gonna walk me home, so he did… after that he called a cab, he lives close to the Eiffel tower, in one of these residencial areas of Paris, really chic.
I woke him down to the door, and there was the akward silence before the kiss, so he did, he kissed me, in a very romatic-slow-passionate way, like I’ve never been kissed before. We said good night and he told me he’ll call me right when he finishes work the next day, so we could hang out… he did, and from that day on, it was as if we were together, went to different bars, jazz concert, etc, on our last night he ask me out for dinner, where he, of course said, im french, so let me pay, a rose that he cut from his grandma’s garden 🙂 and fantastic dinner in a chic restaurant.
He is from a wealthy family, but a very down to earth guy, funny, respectful and I felt really good and protected with him, never felt like this before, nor found a guy that makes me live the present, forget about the past and not worry much about the future… I did not realize how much I was smitten by him until I got home.
While in Paris, he told me that he really likes me, and would love to see me again.
When I got home, I had a breakdown, crying and missing him so much, so I decided to call him, and he calmed me down, brought my senses back, and we decided, since summer plans have been already made and there is work too… that this is not the time to go to either’s country just because of the other one. In his words: we should leave it to destiny, but a helped destiny.
He already spoke to his boss, and checked that he has clients where I live (Sweden) so he can come here, but only next year. As for me, I found a reason to go to Paris, a couple of weeks, a conference (he doesn’t know yet)
He said, going to my home country and all, is too much, too soon, commitment, (I am from Peru, and be going there for a 5wks in August) and I felt/feel the same way, asking him not to date? not to see anybody else?
We have been talking almost everyday, texting, etc. He’s been checking on me when he knew I will get upset (football, Brasil beated by Germany) and small signals that he thinks of me.
If everything works well, I might go to Paris in November, I am excited to see him, but scared as well… it was what you described, after the 1st kiss it was like a relationship.
If I were there, I wouldn’t let him go, I really like him, with his imperfections, which I also noticed, he is not particularly cute, and the money thing is not a big deal, but his character is just amazing.
In any other culture, I will go with the flow, he seems as an honest guy, which s what I need after my horrible last relationship.
I wanted your perspective, helped destiny right? Go in November, see him and go from there. if it happens good, if not, we move on?
I don’t like the long distance part because I heard that french men are used to cheating, but then again, rumors, how true is it? Shouldn’t it be according to individuals? And I’m wondering if maybe he is used to do this, someone told me, french guys fall in and out of love very easily…
Thank you!
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Sym
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Hi There!
I met a french guy (mid twenties) online and we have hung out a couple of times. We have now slept together also.
He keeps saying “my girl” in his text messages and last night he said “i like you”. Because of the language barrier (his english isnt great and my french is horrible) I have no idea if he means what an Australian guy would normally mean?
What does “‘my girl” mean… like “I dont know my girl” and “see you soon my girl” and ‘i like you”
Help!
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Diane
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Hmm, I think he’s just using “my girl” as a term of endearment and likes you, likes what you have and wants to see where it goes. I don’t think it’s a really French thing to say or has any hidden meaning. It seems to be a nice way of him showing affection and that you mean something to him. I’d say that if you’re having fun and enjoying his company, keep seeing him and see where it goes… good luck!
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Emma
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Hi Diane! I don’t know why but I feel comfortable telling you this, I need some help.
My case it’s a little complicated because I was dating with a french guy in my city while I had a boyfriend. Since the beginning he knew about my boyfriend and it seemed he didn’t care too much, we were just hanging out. But once we were watching a movie, he started to touch and grab my hand, later at night we kissed. Since there, I had some of the best days of my life.. But suddenly he didn’t try to find me. I made a big drama for that, but he kept talking to me (normal guys run when I girl got crazy like I did), but he became more reserved and everytime I asked him about his feelings, he just avoided the issue. I said “good-bye” to him and that last day he treated me very badly.
Well, I saw him four days ago (I invited him for a coffee) he seemed happy to see me and he asked me about my boyfriend, it was weird to me.
My question and only doubt is: I always can guess what a guy feels about me, but in this case I can’t! I would like to know if he loved me or what? I don’t understand him.
Thank you!
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Diane
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Hi Emma, thanks for writing. I can’t say what’s going on for sure but a few thoughts: 1) It seems that something changed with the French guy to go from wanting to be with you to being reserved and distance. Maybe the fact that you have a boyfriend scared him off. Maybe he felt bad that you were already in a relationship and that you were getting involved with him. Maybe he met someone else. Maybe his feelings changed. Or he just realized this wouldn’t work out with you if you’re already involved with someone. Any combo of the above. 2) If he’s not pursuing you, it means he’s not interested in most cases. I don’t think guys play games. BUT if he was into you and then that changed, I’d guess that it’s the fact you have a boyfriend already especially since he asked about him over coffee. 3) You said he treated you badly. Why even care about a guy who treats you badly? I say focus on your boyfriend and fix whatever is wrong there or if it’s the end of your relationship, cut ties with your boyfriend and nonchalantly let this French guy know you’re single. If he comes back around, maybe it means he was just scared off by the fact you were with someone. And if he ignores you, well you have your answer — he wasn’t meant for you anyway. Good luck!
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Emma
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Dear Diane, I appreciate your honest answer! Makes me feel better cause I couldn’t talk about this with anybody.
The french guy means so much to me, but I don’t see any future with him. I wish the best for both of us.
Thank you! Have a nice day 🙂
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Lee
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Hi Diane!
I stumbled upon your interesting blog just as I was looking up tips on dating a French guy. So the thing is, we’re not exactly dating but I’m pretty confident that he’s into me. I met Michael on an online dating site about a month ago and we’ve been talking consistently ever since. He was born in Portugal to Portuguese immigrants that moved to the South of France when he was very young. We haven’t met because he’s currently in France on business/leisure and will be returning come the end of September. What’s interesting though is that he has mentioned several of the instances that you’ve listed above. At first that I thought that might be because he is significantly older than me, (he just turned 31 and I’m 22) but now I think it might just be because that’s how French men are.
1.) He has stated that whenever he does “talk” to someone, it’s one person at a time, which I find to be very endearing. Most Americans don’t narrow it down to one person unless they’ve spoken about exclusivity with their partner. (Guilty as charged)
2.) We speak everyday, and I mean everyday. Normally if I didn’t like someone this would be an issue, but with Michael I don’t mind. Most times we’ll video chat through Skype, or I’ll message him through a texting app to avoid international fees. He often calls me “sweetie,” and tells me how excited he is to meet me in person and the feeling is mutual.
We’ve spoken extensively about our past relationships, and he seems to be very affectionate and attentive when it comes to his partners. I’m still trying to feel him out, as some men will say anything to sleep with a girl, especially one that is perceived as young and naive, but I do believe he’s genuine so far. Often times the topic of sex has come up, but it doesn’t seem to be what he’s initially interested in. It took a long while before we breached this topic as well. I only hope our chemistry online translates into real life. (He’s even offered to teach me a bit of French!)
How does this sound so far? Is this normally how a French guy would court a woman? I’d love to know what you think!
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nausicca
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I was watching the news and somehow reached your blog. But I need to question about kissing part with French guys. They just kiss easily and often when they’re in mood. And it doesn’t really mean that A girl can accept it as a sign of being in relationship.
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Shaz
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Hi
I need some advice, I have met a Frenchman who is in the country for 3years, I didn’t know about all of these relationship rules, we went on our first date and we did have many passionate kisses, he told me that he likes me and later on he said he loved me, that scared me a lot as it is very unusual for me.
My worry is he is an expatriate and I am afraid of getting hurt once he decides to go back home. and another thing is I am looking for a long term relationship and I am not sure where this one is going, truly speaking I don’t want to get hurt.
Please help
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Diane
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Shaz, there’s always a risk in love, right? Maybe the risk isn’t the fact the person might move back home but there’s always a risk. If you two hit it off and get serious, maybe you’d consider moving to Franc with him or he might consider staying where he is. I completely understand your concerns, but if he’s worth it, sometimes it’s best to live a little and see what happens. But if there are a lot of red flags (him telling you he loved you after a few weeks?), and you don’t see the relationship working out, maybe it’s best to not get emotionally attached.
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Xen
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Hey!
I love your blog since its answered so many questions for me. However, i have a problem. I’m an Asian girl who’s studying abroad in the UK. So is my French guy. The problem is that i met him at a party for the first time but we really hit it off, and before departing we kissed for 10 minutes out in the cold. He asked me twice if i wanted him to come home with me, but i said i barely knew him and ‘maybe next time’ would be a good idea. While i was walking away, he asked me for a 3rd time, i still said no. He told me the same day that he had 4 exams in the following week so he’d be really busy, which he was. He added me on facebook the next day, i messaged him and asked him how he was doing. He responded nicely but kept going on about how he was busy and couldnt leave his house. I checked with a mutual friend later who told me he really was busy and didnt have time for lunch even. Anyway, the night before i left for my christmas break, i met him at another party. We didnt kiss, but we casually talked, and then i left. However, i did hold his hand occasionally and hugged him since i was a little tipsy and might have gotten clingy. While i was saying bye to him, he said ‘stay in touch’. I messaged him the next day on facebook apologizing if i said or did anything weird the previous night since i was drunk. He said it was okay and asked me if i was still in town. I told him i had left. Since then he hasnt replied, and i havent messaged him either. We’ve both left for Christmas break, and arent on campus.
Do you think he likes me? Have i blown my chances with this guy by playing hard to get, and giving mixed signals? I really like him.
P.s. He told one of our mutual friends that hes scared of commitment.
Xen recently posted…6 Truths about Les Mills’ BODYCOMBAT
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Diane
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Hi Xen, thanks, so glad you’ve found the blog helpful! About your situation: I think the guy is genuinely attracted to you and doesn’t really have the time now (or the timing since you are both gone for Christmas break) to see where it’ll go. At the first party, he seemed like he was interested in just hooking up since he asked you three times. And then got busy with school. I think his head is focused on other things right now but maybe after Christmas break, you can see if you guys cross paths or if he reaches out to you. You definitely haven’t blown your chances or anything like that. If you like him, send him a message once you’re both back in the UK. If he just wants you to come over late at night and you like him for more than a hookup, tell him. If he’s into you, he’ll treat you well and do more than just invite you to his bed. See where it goes… good luck!
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meme
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hello im asian girl works in shop.there is one french guy who i do really like and he’s our customer hes coming ones a week sometimes .every tjme hes passing front if the shop hes smiled at me and sayjng hi! its more thn a year already i ve known him…i really reallt like him and i wanted to see him everyday…when hes coming we have a little chat about hows hes day and my day.how do i get really his attention i mean hes a bit kind if shy i guess so…how should i know if he like me too…
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Diane
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Hi Meme, thanks for writing. It’s so hard to give you advice because there’s a lot I don’t know about the situation. You say he’s been “here” more than a year. Not in France, right? Is he single? Is there a way to find out discreetly through a mutual friend or something? If he is single, I’m a big fan of being direct. We live once, so waiting for him to figure it out and ask you out might take a while. At least if you ask him out first, he knows you find him attractive and you want to see him outside of your job. If he has the same feelings toward you, great! And if not, at least you know that he’s not the guy for you and you can move on to another guy. 😉 But he may not want to ask you out because he’s a customer of yours or a bunch of other reasons. I say just go for it. What’s the worst that can happen, he says sorry no thanks? No harm done. Good luck and happy New Year!
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angel
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Hi Diane,
Hope you can help me.
I am seeing a french man. We were classmates in 2012. Then, recently reconnected. We spent 4 days together including New Year eve in his place ( Washington). I live in Texas. He was very sweet, overly caring , fun and a little bossy when he cant see me. We had minor disagreement but able to patch things up. He wanted to adopt a child and I wanted my own kid in the future. Then, he said we’ll just be friends BUT remains sweet and same all things he does. Does french man change their mind? In US, if we say just friends… it is final… How about for french man? He said he’ll visit me soon. He is giving me mix signals…. I think he is afraid of commitment… Is it worth it to entertain him or should I completely forget about him? Pldase advise.
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Diane
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Hi there, so confused. You were classmates and kind of friends/beginning to date, you spent 4 days with him, and you are already talking about having children together? And then he tells you he wants to be friends? I know kids can be deal breakers for some couples but that’s going like 0-100 without getting to do all the fun relationship things in between. Not sure if he’s on the same wavelength as you. If he just wants to be friends and told you as much, I’d take it at face value and just be friends and move on with your life. If he does change his mind (nothing to do with being French, just something that could happen with anyone of any nationality), keep a clear head and take it a day at a time. I wouldn’t say to completely forget him but it seems weird that you spent 4 days together, talked about kids and then he tells you that he wants to just be friends. Maybe he is afraid of commitment or maybe it’s the fact that you live far apart or maybe he has other things going on. Like I said, don’t count on this guy being “the one” for you but also don’t count him out of the picture. Just enjoy your life and if he comes back around, cool, and if not, you’re better off! Good luck!
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angel
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Hi Diane,
Thank you very much. Just a follow-up, he called me last week and just asking how am I doing etc… He also sent me multiple emails and texts… very caring….he said he’ll be visiting me soon….
a) Are french men controlling in general?
– Very caring but I feel sometimes he is trying to control me even in texts…. “go to bed, it’s late”…
b) Are french men always very caring for their female friends ? Is it normal? I’m confused if he wants to be just friends or more than friends. He is also asking if I am seeing someone which I said no…
c) Do they take time to say they really like you or clear intention? ….
Would it be a good approach…..until he said something that he would love me his gf that I can be clear? In US, it is only when we sit together and discuss… before that free to date anyone…
What do you think?
Thanks again for your time!
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Diane
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Hey Angel,
It’s a good sign he called, emailed and said he’s coming to visit. That’s great!! To answer your questions, a) let me preface this by saying this is only my opinion and that it’s so hard to generalize because there are always exceptions to the rule. Like people say the French are rude and Americans are fat but they’re both stereotypes. So that said, I don’t think French men (again in general) are controlling. I think they can be passionate, romantic, smart dressers, appreciate fine food, etc. But then there are French men who are not those things (and men of other nationalities that are those things too). I will say that sometimes French men of North African origins (Algerian, Moroccan, etc.) might be more controlling due to cultural differences and how they were raised but then again, that’s a generalization. About his texts, I wouldn’t say they come across as controlling. Could be a language barrier issue. Or just him trying to be caring. Hard to say.
b) Again it depends on the person. I don’t think French guys are any more or less caring than Americans toward female friends. I’d think that if you’re both single and he’s making an effort to talk to you, he is at least open to the idea of being more than just friends. He’s testing the waters by asking if you’re seeing someone else. Seems positive.
c) Depends on the person. I think the distance between you two is a major factor here and what might be easy and straightforward if you lived in the same city is causing anxiety and making you question things (he’s probably doing the same thing)
So basically I don’t want to tell you definitively YES French men are like this or that because it just won’t hold true in every case. I think you just need to figure out the dynamic of your relationship, figure out what you both want and any issues that may factor into your relationship (distance, language, cultural differences) and go from there. Treat each other like people and don’t assume he’s any particular way because he’s French. It’ll all work out the way it’s supposed to. 😉 Good luck!
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angel
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Hi Diane,
Hope all is well. Please advise. Thank you.
We were going so smooth sailing and he used to call me/ text me often. Then, two weeks ago he said he is going to Ireland and London for one week work and one week vacation ( His brother is in London) He said he is going to call me after he is back… It was even a fun conversation last time we spoke. I am used that he often call/text me…
It’s so weird after he is back….. I didnt hear anything from him… I tried to text him…. No response. I tried to call him after the next day… He doesnt response. ( I usually dont call guys)…
Not sure what I had done in two weeks that he made no communication or cutting me off. All I know, he is super sensitive type. He has very minimal friends and tendency to be loner/aloof.
I am annoyed and felt being betrayed. What do you think?
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Tracy
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Dear Diane,
I am an Asian girl and I met a French guy on an online dating site 2 months ago. We chat on skype for 3 times and text almost everyday. But I feel that he changed. Recenlty, he didnt call me that often and in the middle of his work hours anymore or it took quite a lot of time for him to text me back. And whenever I ask him things like “how’s your day?” or get-to-know questions, it seems that he doesnt like to talk about it… He usually tells me that he misses me. And he told me 3 times that he will come to see me someday in my country. Is he really interested in me? Or he just wants to chat sex with me? Are there any strategies for me to know if he is really serious about our relationship?
Plus, he tells me he’s very busy with his work which starts on 7am and often finishes on 7pm. He works for a govermental organization i think. Is what he told me true? or he tells lie?
Please help me! Since I think I like him a lot already 🙁
Thank you so much for spending your time reading my message.
Tracy
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tracy
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Hi Diane,
Can you give me some advice?
Thanks ,
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Diane
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Hi Tracy, thanks for writing, but unfortunately there’s no way to know what’s going on with him unless you ask him (and then he answers truthfully even if it’s hard). Otherwise we’re just guessing and assuming and that never works out well.
There could be so many things going on: He could be in a relationship already and just found you fun to talk to, he could have met someone else recently, he could just be busy at work or stressed about something else, he could think that maybe the distance between you two isn’t worth the effort, he may like you a lot but getting close to someone is scaring him, or something else entirely.
You said you only met two months ago so this is all very new. Just try to give him the benefit of the doubt and speak honestly about how you feel. Don’t accuse him of anything, just tell him how you feel and see what he says….
If you really like this guy and think you have a future with him, I’d ask him directly what’s going on and if something has changed for him. Try to be calm and patient and let him answer honestly. I don’t know if he will tell you what’s going on (maybe nothing?) but if you noticed the change in his behavior, there’s probably some explanation (not necessarily bad). Good luck to you!
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angel
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Hi Diane,
Thanks so much. I do appreciate it. He is not dating anyone… (i’m bad… i checked on his cellphone when he was sleeping.. i didnt see any text or calls from another girls). You are right! I’ll have my own life and see if he’ll visit or come back when ready for commitment. French men are so confusing!
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Hannah
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I met a french guy and He is so amazing and romantic. We already kissed on our first day and even had sex. I understand that it means I should consider myself his girlfriend. Its just weird because we only knew eachother for like a week and already saying he fell for me and He loves me. Is that mean what he is feeling is real? and is that how french men like when they fall for someone?
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Hannah
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Hi Diane,
This is such an amazing blog.
i just have a question. I understand that you should consider yourself a french man’s girlfriend after you guys kissed and even have sex. But how about when hey say he’s falling in love with you and even drop the “L” word even you know you just known each other for a week. Does it means what they are feeling is true?
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Diane
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Hi Hannah, so glad you like the blog. Means a lot, thank you 😉 I think French guys are known for falling in love fast and getting hot and heavy in a matter of weeks. Will it last? Who knows, but I do think in situations like this the feelings are real. Of course like I’ve said in replies to other people, not all French guys are the same, so generalizations should be taken with a grain of salt. But let me give you an example: A friend of mine just got into a relationship with someone she’s known awhile. They kissed and had sex right away and within a week, they had said they loved each other and had moved in together. They seem really happy and things are going great. Will it last? It’s hard to say, but I know the feelings are real. In her case, it’s not a new person in her life — they’ve known each other a couple of years — but the romantic side of things is new. My instinct would be to slow things down but if you’re having fun and it feels right, then what’s the harm? Good luck
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Hannah
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Hi Diane,
I really appreciate your response to my question.It’s a great help. Hopefully the relationship we’re about to start will last long :). I’ll be looking forward to your future blogs and eventually will ask few question. Keep writing.
Thank you
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Diane
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You’re very welcome. I hope everything works out — and don’t forget to have fun in the process!! You only live once!
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Mylene
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Hi Diane,
I’ve been searching online for weeks now, about French guy behaviours that’s why I stumble upon your blog.
I had met a wonderful french man just two weeks ago, he just stayed in Dubai around two weeks for work, he will be basically going back and forth here and in france, while he was still here we usually see each other every, i must say almost everyday for I will stay with him for the night and he will part in the morning to go to work and meet up again the next day after work. Even he will be out a bit late at work he still keen to meet up and go around the city with me, we had done lot’s of things together go in some places, dine out, clubbing and he don’t even mind to go out or meet up with my friends too, he will pay for almost everything, I will do take care with some of the bills but usually he won’t allow me to pay for something, his back now in France we still chat everyday if he have some time, for he is busy at work and I’m working too, he said he still want to see me once he will be back here after a month. Do you think his somehow interested? or just having fun?
I hope to hear from you
Mylene
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Diane
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Hi Mylene, thanks for writing. I think this could go either way. He likes hanging out with you and is having fun — could it be more? Maybe, but unless he plans to stay in Dubai permanently or you decide to go to France, not sure if it’s really practical. You said you only met him two weeks ago so you both still have a lot to learn from about each other. You basically just met him! I’d continue to see him when he’s in Dubai and just have fun and see where it goes. In time you’ll know if it feels right and if things will get more serious between you two… good luck!
Diane
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Mylene
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thanks for your reply, well I will just see if where it will go, he seems very nice, and it’s not hard to like him. I’m sorry for my other post i thought the first one haven’t been submitted, for I haven’t seen it on the comment so I tried to post another one. I don’t know how to take it down though
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Diane
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No problem, I’ll delete the other one. Just enjoy getting to know him and what is supposed to happen will happen 😉
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Mylene
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Hi there Diane,
It’s more than three months now, since I met this wonderful french guy. We are still seeing each other each time his here in Dubai, if his here we are seeing each other everyday. If his in France we do have communication everyday. His very sweet and everything, he will usually say that he really do like me a lot. We seems are like in relationship now, but still really don’t have a label or called it official. what do you think about this?
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Mylene
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His coming back here next week, and his still very eager to see me and spend time with me. I’m very excited to see him too.
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wein
| #
Hello Diane,
I met a French guy online in 2012. At first, I wasn’t interested at all, he didn’t try to flirt tho. We just shared our email addresses and Skype ID and it was just that until a year after (we didn’t talk for a year). One day, I got on Skype and he was online so I nicely said hi to him and said that its been a long time not to talk to each other. I had a boyfriend that time but i was sick of that relationship. so i told that french guy about my story and i felt so comfortable with him very soon. He is 9 years older than me. He is smart, funny, polite, wise, open-minded. He speaks english well anyway.
Since then i got closer to him. And i felt that i liked him, we talked on skype since then. (I broke up with my bf a few weeks after i talked again to that french guy). One day, he said that he wanted to come to my country just to see me (france to indonesia), i was so excited to know that. So theeeeen we met in person, we celebrated new year’s eve together, we went to many places, and whats special?? He told me that he loved me 🙂 he said that it was crazy to fly to another side of the world just to meet a girl on internet. I felt so special . he met my family, and my family liked him because he was so polite and nice.
A few months after, he wanted me to see his country and he bought me the ticket to paris. I was so so so happy. So i flied to paris, i met his family and they were all nice to me.
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wein
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He never ask me out but we know we are together 🙂 I am his, he is mine 🙂 we talk on Skype everynight and tell each others about our days. Even its a long distance relationship, but I really enjoy it. We have been together for a year and a half. His family is still nice and in touch with me. And this is the longest relationship that I have ever had 🙂 since I met him, my life gets more beautiful, I mean its like… Things seem easier and organized, he taught me to be organized, and he always support me for things I do 🙂 we have a plan to meet again this summer 🙂
I really enjoy to share it on your website 🙂
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Diane
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Awwww, what a sweet story, Wein. Thank you so much for sharing. I’m so happy for you and wish you both the very best. Thanks again and so happy you’re enjoying the blog. 😉
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wein
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I really love your blog anyway!!
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latina
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Hi Diane!
I met a french guy at the web, we start talking and sending emails and messages since June till now EVERY DAY!…we talk for hours and he used to flirt a lot to me. I live is south america and he came to visit me for a month in November. (he stayed at my house, we get along really well living togherther)
At the begining we kissed a lot and went to sleep toghether, but we didnt have sex…so i asked him what was happening and he told me he likes hugging, caressing and spending time with me but he wants to be just my friend.
That never happened to me before, but as im not in love i agree on being friends.
he said…as usual its not about me, its about him and that he cant ask me to be his girldfriend cuz he feels more like friends and that he doesnt want to hurt me, so we better stop till it get futher. (that confused me more).
Here we had a great time as friends and he even wanted to meet my family and friends.
He went back to France and we still talk everyday for hours as we used to. He asks a lot about my life and what i do and with whom (my friends says he is jelaous sometimes)
i will visit him on April, cuz he invited me, and to be honest im still confused cuz i like him a lot.
i tried talking to him, but he is not clear when he talks about his reasons…i directly asked him if he found me ugly or not at all atractive to him…and he said he feels like a frienship and he cant chage his feelings!. (WIERD ANSWER!)
i dont know what to expect about him…he came from the other side of the world just to see me and suddenly his feelings for me dissapaired?
thanks for your blog…im starting to understand french culture!!
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Diane
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Hi there, thanks for writing! This is an interesting situation. The fact that you talk for hours, flirt and that he came to visit you all say that he’s interested. That’s great news and I was really happy for you. And then you said he told he just wants to be friends. Hmmmm… what is going on?
My advice would be to definitely listen to what he’s saying. He’s telling you this is about him, he doesn’t want to hurt you and he just wants to be friends. He’s also told you he doesn’t want to take things further physically and that he cannot change his feelings. He’s pretty much saying he is not interested in a relationship. We have to give him credit for sharing his feelings — many guys would not.
Now why is he not interested? Who knows. Maybe he isn’t attracted to you and is just enjoying the friendship (although he’s putting a lot of time, effort and money into it so not sure that’s the case) or maybe he does really like you more but is scared to try since you live so far apart. Maybe he’s already in a relationship. But again, he’s telling you he just wants to be friends so I’d really listen to that unless he gives you a reason to think otherwise. I don’t want you to think you can change him or with some time things will progress. Right now this is probably consuming you and I don’t want you to get your hopes up thinking this guy will change and have the door closed in regard to other guys that may come into your life.
Just keep talking to him if it makes you happy but if you’re looking for more and he’s telling you straight up that he’s not, you’ll have to decide if you can handle a “just friends” relationship. Good luck!
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latina
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Hi Diane!, thanks for your answer and advise!.
I think i can handle being “just friends” at this moment, cuz im not searching for a serious relationship eather, but i cant denny he is not like a normal friend to me.
Maybe my trip to France will make me end this chapter or at least get to know him better but as you said i wont have the door closed to other guy!
i love your blog,thanks!
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Diane
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Yeah just keep your heart and mind open to other options that may come into your life and see where things go with this French guy. You never know sometimes. 😉 So happy you enjoy the blog. Take care
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wein
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God , you are a great advisor, Diane!! 🙂
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Diane
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haha thanks! i try to help out my readers 😉
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Ann
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Hello Diane,
I met a French guy around my age (25) before one week at a work meeting. We had just a little talk during the lunch break. I noticed that, while I was eating (not talking), he was staring at me into my eyes. I looked at him twice (just for one second) and he kept looking at me. Is it a sign of affection?
Thank you very much,
A.
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Diane
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Hi Ann, it sounds promising but it’s hard to say. Maybe he thinks you have nice eyes or maybe he was just lost in thought and was just staring in your direction and happened to lock eyes with you? Or maybe he’s a creep who stares too much? It could be a whole host of things. I think you should wait and see if this is a repeated thing he does and if he stares at everyone or just you. Don’t think it’s necessarily a French thing at all. If you like him and don’t mind, see where it goes, or if you’re creeped out by his staring, just ask him if you have something on your face.
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Jaye
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Bonjour! I am currently based in France and I met a French guy online. After a few days he asked me to “prendre un verre” with him. I declined the offer but being French of course, he didn’t give up. He would ask me to go out for a drink, or café or even dinner. After a few weeks of this, I finally said yes. The first date didn’t go very well (at least for me) so I decided to meet him for another date. On the second date, he asked me in his French accented English if I wanna be his girlfriend. I was shocked by this since it was too early. I doubted his intentions that he probably just want me in his bed. We went out for a few more dates. During one of those, I told him about my doubts but he assured me that it’s not the only thing that he wanted. But he admitted that he does want to sleep with me.
Well to cut it short, we did. And just recently, he invited me to his house for dinner and to sleepover. We had a great night together but I still have my doubts although he tries everything to prove his sincerity even meeting my father. ( yes he did)
We’ve only known each other for a month and a half. We do like each other a lot and we’re trying to see where the relationship will go. But being a non-French girl, there are times that I don’t understand him. Our relationship is going a bit fast for me but he assures me that it’s normal. What do you think?
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Diane
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Hi Jaye, I think we have to remember not to lump all French guys into one category. Even dating norms don’t represent 100% of how French men do things. I think it’s important to look at how you feel when you’re with him and how he treats you. Does he seem sincere? Do you have similar goals for life? Or is this more of a fling? I’ve heard of a lot of French romances start fast and furious and fizzle out and also a few of the exact opposite. So if you’re just having fun and don’t really expect much, just go with it and see what happens. But if you’re looking for a serious boyfriend and are concerned about the speed at which this all started, speak up and either put on the breaks or at least air your concerns. Even if the speed is normal for him, it’s not for you and you have a right to slow it down. Hope things work out!
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Ana
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Hi, Diane!
First, thank you for all your tips!
I was at an academic event and I saw a very good-looking guy, and I could get his name because he was using a badge (he was representing a gastronomy university). I found him in facebook, added him and he accepted me. Now, I don’t know how to start a conversation. Gastronomy is not my area lol (I’m a pharmacist). Could you help me please? 🙂
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Diane
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Hi Ana, I’d say treat him like any other guy you’re interested in and connect on whatever you have in common. You are both interested in gastronomy since you were both at the event, or academics, so just say hey, ask what he thought of the event, or maybe ask about his studies. Just find something you have in common, or ask if there are any other events coming up soon. Just go with whatever you feel like. I don’t think there’s a right or wrong way to start this type of convo 😉 And if you’re more of a direct person, you can say that he caught your eye and you’d love to get together for a coffee or something. Your choice. Have fun!
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Mary
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Hi Diane!
Where did you and Tom meet? I’m very curious how people from other parts of the world meet and fall in love… I’ve always dreamed and fantastised about meeting a French man however I wonder what’s the best way to go about this. Did you meet on a holiday or do you both live in the same country now?
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Diane
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Hi Mary, I met Tom in NYC when he was there on vacation. We now both live in France (I moved here after we got married). 😉
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Desiree
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Hi Diane!
I stumbled upon your website today and just think its simply amazing! I read through the some of the comments and can see how much you help guide people with your advice and perspective and I am hoping you can maybe share some of your insight with me as well. (I apologize for this being a tad long) I met my french boyfriend in 2012 while studying abroad. We dated for about 4 months and then he left to spend a year in South America and I was returning to California only a couple months later to finish my studies. We kept in touch during my senior year while he was in South America for a year, we didn’t stay officially together but we both felt something special from the time we had spent together and facebook-ed all the time! After graduation (a little more than a year later) I returned to France to work as an au-pair and in part to be with him again. We instantly reconnected and have been together ever since. This summer will mark our 2 year anniversary. We are extremely close, committed, and in love: He came to visit me in California after Christmas and I will be going back this summer for two months, I leave in May! We plan to see each other every 3-4 months for at least a month at a time. So we are totally making the long-distant thing work, though at times it is very hard not having the physical affection, but I truly feel like we are in it for the long-haul and can definitely see marriage in our future. My boyfriend has made it very clear that I am the love of his life, as he is mine.
My question for you I guess, is from your own personal experience how did you and Tom decide on where you would eventually place your roots? My boyfriend has just started his own business about 1 yr 1/2 ago and I have just been accepted to law school. Our plan is of course to ride through the long-distance until I finish law school and hopefully in that time his new business will flourish. I also plan on spending between a semester to a year of my law school time in France doing a dual degree program. As someone that has married the love of their life, how was the move to France professionally for you?
At times I just feel like picking everything up to be with him and start our lives together, but we both know that for now this plan we have is best for us both. Did you just kind of leave your life behind, your job, etc when marrying Tom? Did you know what you’d do in France? My boyfriend knows I am passionate about being a lawyer and I respect his career goals. But often, I can’t help but think, okay what about after law school? Who will make the move? Will I find a good-paying job in France? I know that my boyfriend would be willing to move one day, but as he has a new business, I think I would need to make the first move to France for a couple years post graduate school. I know he would not want to move all the way to the USA and not feel like he had financial security first. Which I do understand.
Please enlighten me more about your experience. How is life in France for you now? Being away from your family for long periods of time? Career wise? Do you both ever plan on making the move back to the good ol’ US of A? I lived in France for two years so far, but I know that there’s a difference between living abroad and then having your life, your marriage, etc truly grounded there.
I just can’t wait for us to be in the same city, with an apartment, and our petit chaton but for now I’m just a little anxious of the unknown. I just want to be sure that I won’t lose myself and my career goals in the process of being deeply in love.
Merci beaucoup and Happy Easter!
Desiree
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Diane
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Hi Desiree,
Thanks so much for the kind words about my blog. It’s so nice of you to take the time to write and I’m so glad you’ve found my blog helpful. 😉
You’ve asked a lot of questions so I’ll do my best to give you some short answers here and will email you as soon as I get a minute w/more detailed info. First, so happy you met someone you connect with and are doing your best to make the long-distance thing work. I know it’s not easy! (and congrats about law school!) Your situation is a bit different than mine in that you’re in law school and your boyfriend is starting his business in France. When I met Tom I was a little older and had already finished school and not starting a business or looking for a high-powered career at the time, so picking up and moving to France was still a change but I didn’t stress over it too much because I knew it was the right choice. I’ll try to email you with more details on the career side of things.
About my family, I’m actually very fortunate that I talk to my parents nearly daily and they visit often (my dad is coming this week actually). I don’t feel homesick or anything like that — for me moving here was all about starting my life with Tom, a happy thing and not a decision I made on a whim or a temporary vacation sort of thing. So I feel like I am where I’m supposed to be. But of course it’s only natural to see friends from home doing things and wanting to be everywhere at once. Tom would love living in the US so maybe we’ll find ourselves back there some day. No immediate plans to move to the US though.
The best advice I could give you is to make sure you set things up in your life so that you have options. Be smart when you plan things out. I think being in love is great and all but don’t let other things go by the wayside (not saying you would, just saying be smart). I mean options for careers back home (don’t burn any bridges) in case you want to move back, ways to move somewhere else (savings), etc. Don’t pigeonhole yourself into just one path, careerwise, location, relationshipwise. If you move to France and hate it, you’ll figure out a way to make things work elsewhere. Or if you come to France and love it, you’ll make things work here and everything will fall into place. And whatever you choose, commit to it 100%.
I think having anxiety about all this is normal, so just try to take things a day at a time.
Happy Easter to you as well!
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Sam
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Hi Diane,
I met this French guy at a club while I was out of town. We danced and at the end of the night exchanged contact info and kissed. We’ve been talking in facebook since then. He said he wanted to see me again before he leaves for France,which was a week after we met, but since I was back in my town, we didn’t get the chance to see each other again. We send each other sweet messages, he tells me he misses me and even told me straight up he wants to sleep with me. Problem is he is going back to France now and doesn’t know when he’ll be back. He said we will keep in touch. I am just wondering if his sweetness is genuine or just because he’s here and wants to take the opportunity of getting into my pants. I am really attracted to him and would like our “thing” to develop into something deeper.
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lilly
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Hi diane,
I met a french guy in january and it was all going so well he said he wanted to be with me and I wanted that two. We spent a good amount of time together and then suddenly he just hardly contacted me for around two months. I then came home to my flat one day and he was waiting at my door apologizing for how he’d been saying he had a rough time so didnt want to speak to me about it. I said i needed some time to figure things out and that if he wants to get me back he will have to put in more effort than before, it was all going well but i had to go back home for a little while so was unable to see him for three weeks, and he said ‘i love you’ on the phone to me the other day for the first time, but ignores my messages and wont ring me. I have no idea what to do? and whether he sounds like he does actually care or is stringing me along? Would be much appreciated if you could give me some advice 🙂
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Nina
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Hi there!
Didn’t think I would ever be asking or viewing these kinds of questions but….here I am. I don’t know if I’m dating a French guy or not – I’m 55 and just getting back into the “dating scene” after two years. Of course, he’s French, we met for coffee, went to dinner two times and he has cooked for me on at least three occasions – I’m going to put it out there and say he’s interested 🙂 I’m fairly new at all of this so it’s a big leap for me to say as much. Just really scared of being hurt – I guess it’s more that I’m looking for someone to confirm it???? Sounds silly I know but I haven’t “dated” in years and I want to make sure I do this right!
Cheers!
Nina
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Mimi
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Hi there,
I really need some help.
I dated a french guy recently. We know each other from a dating site. The first time we met, I was so attracted to him. I even went to his place and we have some intimate actions. he was sweet to ask me drive safe the same night, then disappear for 5 days, I was really get impatient, and ask him out again. he was nice and sweet and very charming, keep kissing me and talk with me. And invited me to his place again. But this time I didn’t go. It was so late and my place is really far from his place. And my period was coming, but I didn’t tell him about this intimate thing. I think he is kind of sad and unhappy, the second day he block me from the date site. I have no idea why he did it just because I didn’t go to his place?
I really don’t know what to do now. hope somebody could help me.
Should I confess to him I didn’t go to his place because of my month, or just wait to see how he will act?
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Gloria
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Hi Diane,
I’m from Hong Kong, knew a French guy recently, I found his Facebook and added him, I started msg him and he replies me…
Tonight he ask me and my friends join him and his friends, unfortunately my friends refused to go out because of the sudden rain, I told him and he ask me to convince my friends to come out… However my friends refused to come out, when he asked will we see each other, I tell him that my friends are not coming, and I’m alone, he replied like “if I sent you my friends photo about how they look like, they may come out after they saw the photos!” I feel a bit insulted by that and I replied him “if you want to meet those girls who would like you or your friends based on what they look like, you should go Lan Kai Fong, there have many these girls” and he immediately said that it was a joke, and I was very mad and said “but it’s not funny” then he didn’t type anything after that….
What should I do? Would he never talk to me?
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Diane
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Hi Gloria, thanks for writing. As I tell everyone, I’m not an expert and don’t know this guy. BUT based on what you told me, I think you just ran into a guy who has a big ego and is a little arrogant. He may like you, but he seemed to want to have fun in a group so his friends and your friends could all have fun together. He probably isn’t looking to date you, at least not seriously, and was disappointed that he couldn’t have everything he wanted that night (a fun time with a group of girls all out with his friends). His comment about how good looking they all are is obnoxious and I guess he was joking but it’s a joke originating in arrogance. You’re probably better off without a guy like that. He looks like he’s just out to have fun. I personally wouldn’t contact him again but I don’t know how well you know him and if he’s been cool the other times. How do you know him exactly? Through school or work? Anyway, that’s my answer based on what you told me. 😉
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Gloria
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Hi Diane,
Thankyou for reply! He just came hk for internship in the coming year…basically we met in a shop…and I kinda like him so I started chat with him through msg…I just know him for few days…so I guess it’s just..I’m too naive…. I thought we could start by being fds, thought we just met once… I guess probably guys think that hk girls are easy and just wanna have fun, that’s why I was mad about his joke….
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Diane
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I think you’ve dodged a bullet with this guy. He may be a nice person and all but he’s already shown you what he’s looking for and how he acts (by his comment about how good looking he and his friends are). If he had reacted kinder to you being upset by his joke (apologized), maybe I’d say give him another chance. But seems like he’s just out for fun. I’d avoid him! You can do better
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Gloria
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Yea…no any msg from him since that… I guess he is just looking for fun, and I have already make it very clear that I’m not that kind of easy girl which he might looking for…I guess that’s why he didn’t msg me anymore… I believe that I can do better!!! Thankyou Diane!!! Thought we don’t know each other, I felt love in your words… If you have a chance to come to Hong Kong, do remember to tell me!!
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TiTi
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Hello Diane,
Thank you for this blog. Your Tips are spot on! I just wish I found your blog a few months ago. 🙁
I think I lost my keeper French guy (I thought he is). I would love your advices please, Diane!
My French man that I knew for 5 years while we were studying in London ( I think we feel about each other more than friends for 3 years) , told me two months ago that he is starting something with another woman. The reason is because I did not want intimacy with him (that is only his assumption). But It was just a month before that he told me he wanted to see me. He wanted to buy me dinner because he upset me by not replying my text.
Can a man change his mind so quickly in a month time? Considering we knew each other for so long, although we didn’t have sex.
We only kissed once before he left to another country for work, 3 years ago. It was very long and sweet, almost half of the entire night. He was shaking while he was kissing me. I felt very strong feeling for him too.
Although he was in another country, we always had email contacts and he talked serious stuffs such as me moving to him and finding a job there. He promised me he will come back to see me. So he did a year ago! We are both struggling to get where we want to be in our career. I valued & loved all that efforts he made and his struggles. But I acted a bit cold to him sometimes because I wasn’t sure if he was genuinely into me or just trying until he can have sex with me.
Now my problem is I still cannot forget him, although he wished me luck and said he wants to move on. I still want him back. I know I am now crazy because I just realised what he meant to me when I have to let him go completely. Can you please give me some advices?
Even when he is saying goodbye, he still cares if I am upset or not. Why does he if he wanted to have something with another woman? He could have gone quietly because we lost contact about a month. Or is it just French man’s style of saying Goodbye?
Merci,
TiTi
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latina
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Hi Diane!
A few months ago i wrote about my expierence
Just to remember :I met a french guy at the web, we start talking and sending emails and messages since June till now EVERY DAY!…we talk for hours and he used to flirt a lot to me. I live is south america and he came to visit me for a month in November. (he stayed at my house, we get along really well living togherther)
At the begining we kissed a lot and went to sleep toghether, but we didnt have sex…so i asked him what was happening and he told me he likes hugging, caressing and spending time with me but he wants to be just my friend. That never happened to me before, but as im not in love i agree on being friends.He said…as usual its not about me, its about him and that he cant ask me to be his girldfriend cuz he feels more like friends and that he doesnt want to hurt me, so we better stop till it get futher. (that confused me more).
Here we had a great time as friends and he even wanted to meet my family and friends. He went back to France and we still talk everyday for hours as we used to. He asks a lot about my life and what i do and with whom (my friends says he is jelaous sometimes)
…..
So I visited on April, as a friend and i had a great time, we lived at his house, i met his friends, we went on parties and he was so sweet and welcoming…he found places to visit and payed almost everything for me, he was in every detail to make me feel like a queen! (we were flitring a little but i felt him as a good friend cuz i didnt want to end up more confused).
It was wierd that his friends and family really wanted to meet me and we even went to his parents house and stayed for 3 days with them…all cool people…and he seems to be happy too.
When i came back to my country, we kept talking everyday for almost 10 days and suddenly he started to avoid me, without any reason!
i asked him what was going on and he said…”im kind of fed up, im trying to leave my phone and focus in anything alse”. So i ask him if he was fed up with me or cuz i did something… and he said that he wanted to be normal friends and talk less and then said that at the begining was funny but not anymore, that he was fed up of talking of nothing!
i got mad cuz we talked about many things that were important for both but i understood the distance cuz it wasnt healthy for any of us to keep like this… A week after i asked him his parents adress to send them a postalcard to be thankful and never asnwered!
We have a friend in common so i talked to her and asked her if she understands what was happening and he got angry and sent me a message saying…”when you came i didnt felt frienship or whatever, you did nothing its what i feel for you, so leave me alone and let my friend out of all this”.
it hurts me so bad, and still dont undestand why he said that…if he pretend to be my friend all this time? or why is he pushing me away hurting me, he means a lot to me and i would like to at least end things right with him but he wont talk to me anymore……im lost, i dont know if is a cultural thing or he is the wierest guy i met.
as you always give your great point of view, ill be waiting for it.
thanks!
Latina
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Diane
| #
Hi there, I’m sorry to hear about everything you’ve gone through. I know you really liked him. ;-( BUT on the bright side, you found out sooner than later (like not after 5 years of marriage or something) what this guy is really like and how he treats people. So maybe it was a blessing in disguise. He showed you early on before you got too invested in him that he acts like a jerk and doesn’t see you as a romantic interest. That’s all on him and you didn’t do anything wrong. I know you’re probably upset that things didn’t work out and feel hurt by him and everything but really try to see it in a positive light — imagine if he had used you for sex and companionship and money, etc. just to dump you once you’re madly in love with him. I think you dodged a bullet here, really. You’ll find someone who’s right for you 😉
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latina
| #
Thanks, nobody hurted me like him before…ill try to keep the good memories cuz at least he made me have a great time there, but i cant believe we end up like this 🙁
Thanks for your blog, its great to have a place to express and recive your good advice!
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Jose
| #
Hi Diane,
I just found your blog, and it was very interesting for me, as I kinda ‘dated’ a french guy.
Now I like him but the situation is abit complicated because I wont see him for 2,5 months.
Basically I’ve known this guy for 6 months, but as I was caught up with another guy I’ve never realized that he has a lot of potential.
Now I didn’t know him that well but we always small talked when we saw each other, and he came to talk to me and my friend if he saw us.
He then invited me out for a drink in may where i couldn’t make it. He then texted me a few weeks later asking if I wanted to come by for a cup of coffee, I told him i had to do somthing, but he then suggested to come with me and then we could have a coffee after my ‘stuff’. We did that and it was very casual and nice. He paid for the coffee and cake and then we parted.
He asked ceveral times that week what i was doing if i wanted to hang.
Fridya I asked if he wanted to come with me to an event and he said he imght and asked ifI wanted to come over and play music. I stopped by and he cooked and made coffee, and we had a great time. Before I left he kissed me, and said he would text me.
The next day he had to go to work quite late but asked if i wanted to coe by afterwards. He paid the cab (ok, bootycall) and we watched a movie and started kissing. I then told him I wasn’t ready because of a comlicated relationship and he took it veyr mature and said I shouldn’t worry. I slept over and he made breakfast. We then parted and he said he would text me later. We met up again that evening playing music talking, still no sex. But we both knew that we were going home for holiday. I haven’t heard from him, but he doesn’t hit me like the texting type. I’m not sure if he likes me or if i was just a hook up. He said we should keep in contat and meet up when we got back..
Jose recently posted…French pronunciation: Word pairs you don’t want to mix up (with audio)
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Byl
| #
Hi Diane.
I found your beautiful blog and it makes me happy. But I’ve got a problem since I met a French guy in a mall near my city. At first it was just a smile that he drew on his face while walking and noticing a girl escalating up to the next ground floor of the mall aka me as he was gonna take the escalator down to the lower ground. I looked back and apparently he was interested in me and approached me. We shook hands and talked, it was maybe 15 minutes without letting my hand go. He said he had no paper or anything because his phone was low battery so he left it in his apartment near that mall. I gave him my number and he texted me 2 days after. Before I left, he actually asked if I could go to watch movies with him but I couldn’t since I had to rush going back home. Long story short, he wants to meet me again as he said and he misses me. I’m not really saying that I’m into him (I have a boyfriend) but I asked him if he’s single after we texted for a while (he doesn’t know whether I am or not, yet) and he stopped responding after that question. He’s gonna leave in 2 weeks to travel to Singapore, do you think he just pulled off on me because my question was rude or too early? Is it that French guys don’t really like a convo-shortcut such as asking for that personal things?
Thanks. Would really like to hear from you soon & good luck.
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Ms. G
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Hi Ms. D..
I found your blog interesting haha the thing that i’ve met someone (PURE FRENCH GUY)from social app called tinder. yeah well hope you’re not new to it..so yeah! i’m currently here in Dubai right now working and that guy is working here as well. so we both exchanged number since he initiated it and everyday was sending me message if how am i blah blah.. so i found him busy man.. it’s been 2 weeks now .. but we haven’t met yet.. well to be honest he’s just living near from me.. so last week he was inviting me to come over to his house and i was like “what? are u serious?” and he was like “sorry.. i didn’t mean to.. cuz this weather is fvcking me up” well i know that the weather here sucks hehe and he felt bad and said sorry again.. and yeah we haven’t met ..and yesterday he sent me message again how am i blah blah that he will be busy for the coming weeks and put sad emoticon so i just asked him straightly if when are we meeting..and at last he told me today after he get back to Qatar ..just quite near though.. and yeah well wherever it lead, go on.. I’ve never met French guy ever in my life that’s why i got interested and yeah my dream place is Paris too “Eiffel tower”. Can u give me an advice like what i should i do or what to wear hahha. Thanks Ms. D.
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katelin
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so, i just moved to Quebec, and I had a bit of a romance with a guy i met three weeks after i moved there. it was the beginning of summer and i was the only person who spoke english besides my mother (or so i thought), and i would just take walks around the lake. the city that i moved to wasnt very big, maybe a population of 100 – 150. and everytime id walk around the lake, i would see him. but i never talked to him, never even had the courage to smile at him. until one day he came up to me and said “hello, you must be the english girl, my name is nick.” and from that moment on, we were never apart. we had our first kiss two weeks after he talked to me, and he told me he wanted me to be his girlfriend. so we dated from july 5th until august 18th. and the reason why we arent together anymore, is he used me for things a person should never use someone for.
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Dana
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Hello, i love your post.
I just met a french guy that lives in sweden we are both in a foregn country and met him in a club in thursday he was a bit drunk, we had lot of fun (im corean by the way) as the night got deep he was flirting more and more and he asked me for a kiss and of course i didint give him. In the next morning he texted me and asked to join him for brunch and then we went to romantic walk and he kissed me. But he was constantly touching my leg and telling me that he really likes me, also we planed a two day trip just the two of us. We talk about how we like to have sex too, etc. He told me that he was a player but now he doesnt want to be like that. And the question is, it is ok to trust him? Or is he just looking for some fun..
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Lydia
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Hi, I chanced upon your post. I was dating this french guy I know online a few months ago. He likes to invite me over to his place to cuddle and watch movies initially and i was skeptical if he was just out for sex. But he treated me with respect and we didnt have sex until after 3 weeks. After that, he become less proactive although he still text but i can sense the change in attitude. He only text every other day (compared to his proactive texting initially) and i start to feel v insecure. When i asked him what we are, he said we are in a relationship but he like to take things slow. I was very insecure if he is keeping me as a backup/convenience as he always tell me relationship is not what he can focus on. When i speak to him about our problem and hoping he make more efforts, he cannot understand why efforts is required. N he told me dating doesnt interest him, what he wants is a relationship. Is this a french culture thing that I am not getting? Or am i being played? Thanks so much 🙂
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Diane
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Hi Lydia, it’s really hard to say. Are you on the younger side? If he’s “single” and no kids, never been married, maybe he’s keeping you on the side and just seeing what else is out there because he’s immature if he’s like 20. I could see that happening. But if you’re both in your 40s, I think his behavior is bizarre. Are you guys going out? Does he take you on dates? Have you met his friends or family? If not, it seems like you’re someone he enjoys being with but likes the sex and isn’t interested in making an effort. Really it’s his loss, his problem. Doesn’t seem like a relationship at all to me. Maybe he’ll change but I wouldn’t invest too much time in things with the way they are right now. Wouldn’t want to see you get hurt if you really start falling for him ;-( good luck
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Andrea
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Hi Diane!
I’m super confused about my french guy, we’ve been together for months and he has always talked about future, that he wanted to be forever with me, marry and all that (thing that I’m not used to think much, we’re young), but sometimes i feel he’s cold, and I’ve told him many times that I need and expect to see his love in the little things…. but it looks like he’s not into making efforts to make those things that are important to me, lately he’s “stressed” because I’m “so demanding”, but from what I’ve been reading, here and other sites, french women are super demanding and men do big efforts, I’m just asking for details, and I seriously think he was more romantic at the beginning of the relationship… so makes me think he’s less interested now, like he’s clearly not going to do anything and just let me walk away, because I’ve told him that this is not working for me this way… Di french men “fight” to keep you by their side? Or I already lost the battle? specially reading that they move on quick :'(
thanks!
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Diane
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Hmmm, it’s really hard to say but I will say that I don’t think people change so if you feel like he’s cold now and you want to see little things he’s not doing, I don’t know if it’ll get better. Without knowing him personally, I don’t know if there’s something else going on in his life and he’s stressed about that or if there are other red flags. You say you’re young but have already talked about marriage and all that. Maybe that freaked him out? Young like 18? Maybe getting this serious is freaking him out.
I’d say try to talk to him in a non-accusatory way about what your expectations are and try to get him to open up. Lay out what you need from the relationship and if he’s not able to give you those things, as sad as at may be, it may be time to move on. Sorry I can’t give you better news!
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Jane D
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I came across your website and I think it’s pretty interesting overall. I find some of these women extremely desperate and trying to find culture as an excuse for a man’s behavior or sign that he’s just not that into you. Sorry, but it’s really pathetic and sad. I can’t say that I haven’t been there once myself but the difference is now I know that the golden rule is – IF A MAN IS INTO YOU, REGARDLESS OF RACE, HE WILL GO TO THE ENDS OF THE EARTH TO MAKE YOU HIS. THERE WILL BE NO CONFUSION ON YOUR PART AS TO HOW HE FEELS ABOUT YOU, WHERE YOU STAND, OR WHERE THE RELATIONSHIP IS GOING.
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Zianne
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Hi Diane.
Interesting,I love you’re blog. I love reading the comments.
Here’s my story.
I meet this french man via wechat he send me message and invitationinvitations to go out for coffee,Luch, but I turn down for many time but still his persistent. But he asked aabout mmy bbackground and i also did the same. So I accept the invitation . fist meet its like so so his nice man gentleman . We had coffee then. Finished. I still don’t know what should i fell first time I go out with a foreigner.
Next day he asked me again for lunch and I accept the invitation . then he kissed me quick one. That’s all . After that he sent me back home. Then he flew back to Paris. We exchange message video call but not always. After 3 months he come back again we meet and we make love. Spend two weeks with him. Then he go back home. He said he love me very much we exchange sweet messages. And he said he will marry me his planning to bring me in Paris. Is this for real I mean his intention. I’m 30 years old but look like 23 his 50 and divorce with one son. .
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Diane
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Hi Zianne, thanks for writing and so happy you enjoy the blog. What’s your overall feeling about this guy? What is your gut — your intuition — telling you? Are there any red flags? Based on what you told me, it’s too hard to say if he is serious about you. I don’t think the age difference is a problem or the fact that you’re of different nationalities or anything like that. You live in France and he lives in a different part or you live across the globe from each other? Does he seem sincere?
I think it comes down to 2 things: How does he treat you in general along with how does he make you feel? And as I said above, what’s your gut tell you? Trust your judgment and go from here. Good luck 😉
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RTM
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Hi Diane,
I really enjoy reading your blog. I can’t help myself to read read and read more. I even digging your older posts, makes me feel like i’m a stalker now. hehehe.
I’m seeing a frenchman now. It’s my first time seeing a frenchman (he is even the first frenchman i ever met. haha). So basically, i’m an empty paper about frenchman. I’d love to hear more about frenchman through your blog.
Thanks! 😉
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Diane
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Thanks for the comment, RTM, and so glad you’re enjoying the blog! I’ve written a few posts on French men including this post, contrasting them w/American men in terms of style:
ouiinfrance.com/2014/06/23/french-mens-style-fashions-that-would-never-fly-with-american-men/
Also, my husband who is French has his own column on my blog called Ask Tom Tuesdays, so you can get more insight there. Just search from the search box on the home page. 😉
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Sophie
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I really liked this article, OK, this is the situation, I live in México, and I saw this attractive Attaché on the French Embassy in a bar, watching a Football game, I decided to send him a beer and I asked the waitress to keep the secret.
He started asking the waitress who send that beer, because he had to give the thanks for it! Even tough she kept the secret. I identified him for the people that he was with and I discovered his name and send him and email (Im crazy) I was amazed when he answered the e-mail telling me that all of this was mysterious and cruel because I knew his name but he didn’t knew mine. For my surprise I found a message from him in my mobile (My phone number was on my email) and told me the same about me knowing him and that this was unfair hahahahaha. At the end he told me that he was going to be “with other people” in the bar to watch a football game, and I was invited. After that he hasn’t made any contact. I don’t know how to check if these are mixed signals.
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Diane
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You only live once! Just go to the bar so it’s casual and there are other people. That way if he’s weird or creepy you can just hang out with other people. If you get a good vibe, invite him for a coffee or something else in public and see where it goes. What do you have to lose? Good luck 😉
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Nai
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hi Diane
I met a French man who is a photographer and is traveling the US. We met on a dating app, which i usually don’t keep the encounters too serious. We met the day after he arrived in my city, on first meeting for drinks and dinner it was wonderful and charismatic, and as new friend had very much to talk about, there was wonderful chemistry and he was very much a gentleman he ended up staying 2 extra days in my city we saw each other at least once every day. We kissed the last day and it was very deep and passionate (OMG <3!) the tension that had built was very intense but also loving and respectful. We have kept in touch and are every affectionate in texting and talk about see each other again ….my confusion is on his face book i see he has many female admirers. his response to them is light and a bit flirtatious. i wonder if it is customary to be flirtatious and affectionate with female friends in france. should i take his advances as serious and something to build on or should i ride him off a my sweet playing lover?
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Mahli
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Great post, thank you! I have a question. Recently my relationship with very good friend became err not so platonic during my last extended stay with him. He’s as warm and affectionate as ever and we have plans for another visit soon, so I wonder do French men usually sleep with good friends?Or does it look like he’s thinking of me more as a girlfriend. I feel like a dork to ask him, so would love to hear other opinions. Many thanks 🙂
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